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Original poster

17 yr old doesnt like my man.

15 replies

shazmaz · 02/08/2013 21:44

never done this before so forgive, ive been with my man on and for a few years, but distance has always kept us apart, he lives 200 miles away. the last time we broke up i swore it was for good, my 17 yr old daughter now hates him cos he hurt me, but i still love him and he me and have been seeing him . my daughter cant b in the same room as him but its keeping me and him apart. and we are both struggling to decide what we do. how can i keep them both? has any one been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
MNiscold · 02/08/2013 21:55

I have been sort of.... you can see each other when she's at her dad's, or out with friends, etc. But I'd want to pay attention to what she's telling you, and to her; he can be the grown up and wait, but she will only be with you a short time more. Maybe she sees something you're not looking at? At any rate, it does help to not tell Cs everything that happens in your love life, and keep them out of the picture unless you're very sure you want to live together/get married. Even that can wait.

Original poster
shazmaz · 03/08/2013 10:36

i can see your point the thing is we have waited a long time to get to where we are, and its taking its toll. he is the only man that has been introduced into the home so its not like she has seen a string of the wrong men come and go. i will always be her mum but want to do something for me now. because of the distance we dont have the luxury of picking and choosing when we see each other, so i cant just ring him to pop round when she goes out. we all make bad and wrong choices and i will b there for her whatever i just hoped she would do the same for me. but it seems i have to choose.

OP posts:
awkwardsis · 03/08/2013 10:39

I thnk your daughter probably knows this man isn't good for you tbh. What real relationship can you even have If he lives 200 miles away?

HellonHeels · 03/08/2013 10:47

"the last time we broke up" - does that mean you have split up and got together again several times?

If your DD has seen your hurt and upset over this she probably feels this man is not good for you and is someone who will hurt you again. Perhaps she has a point?

perfectstorm · 03/08/2013 12:30

Has he always treated you well - no other women, no vicious rows? Because if she's witnessed him being an arse, then you can't expect her to accept him.

colditz · 03/08/2013 12:35

She's seventeen, shazmat, she should be having to forgive your "bad and wrong choices" and "be there" for you. You do that for children, chores don't have to doit back until they are well into adulthood, that's the deal.

If she has good reason for disliking him, don't inflict him onto her in her own home.

Xales · 03/08/2013 12:59

he last time we broke up i swore it was for good How many times have you broken up and why?

Your DD has seen him hurt you. Has she seen you crying when you have broken up?

Why would she like a man who caused you this?

She does not have to accept and like a person just because you do. You have to accept that if you want this man in your life your DD will not be a part of that piece of your life.

ImperialBlether · 03/08/2013 15:27

Why did you break up and why were you so determined not to see him again?

JustBecauseICan · 03/08/2013 15:48

My instinct is to say that most 17 yr olds would throw a strop at a new partner for their mum or dad......but we need more details about the exact nature of your relationship with this guy first.

Maybe she is being the adult here and looking out for you. More details about him please?

Bogeyface · 03/08/2013 16:59

She doesnt have to like him and if a normally sensible girl takes against someone in this way I would be asking myself why. Maybe she can see something about him that you cant or wont.

And My man, really? Hmm

LEMisdisappointed · 03/08/2013 17:03

Well you broke up before, your DD saw that you were hurt and this probably upset her too. Why did you break up before? It is not like she has no reason to dislike him, as in, you have only just got together because I would in those circs say, give it time. What do your extended family/friends make of him? Again, why did you break up?

perfectstorm · 03/08/2013 17:58

Yes, I must say the self-pitying statement that you'd always support her choices and mistakes, and hoped she'd do the same is a bit unreasonable. You're a grown woman and her mother. She is 17. It isn't her job to be there for you, mop up the tears and send you on your way, smiling through gritted teeth even if she hates the boyfriend. It's your job with her, but definitely not the other way around.

whitesugar · 04/08/2013 01:51

I agree that it's a parent's job but from experience I have seen two teenagers manipulating a situation just to get their own way. Teenagers are gorgeous, complicated and very unpredictable. They think they are in charge and equal but they are children. I have faced this scenario and at 47 have good reason to believe I have a handle on it with over 30 odd years experience. Trust your own instinct.

BOF · 04/08/2013 02:08

She's 17. Can't you hang fire until she's left home?

RaRaZ · 04/08/2013 16:25

I think children - even teenage ones - have to come first. When she's left home/left school or college and could leave home/etc, fine. Until then, she should be your first priority.

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