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Relationships

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Original poster

Age gaps and being a realist?

22 replies

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 21:10

Age gaps don't really work where it's the woman who is a lot older do they, or at least not in the medium-long term?

Likewise where the woman is, say, a 7.5 and the man at least a 9 (in terms of attractiveness)?

Trying to talk myself out of something before it starts...

OP posts:

momnipotent · 01/08/2013 21:12

How big a gap?

My brother is turning 40 this year and I don't know how old his girlfriend is, I would guess mid-fifties. They've been together about 5 years or so.

Original poster

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 21:19

Similar age gap, but he is mid 20s.

I think the difference between 40 and mid 50s seems easier somehow, similar life stages etc.

OP posts:

Poppanicolino · 01/08/2013 21:21

I know a wonderful couple who are 20 years apart, the wife being older. They're perfect for each other and nauseatingly happy.

Not sure why attractiveness needs to come into it

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/08/2013 21:23

Attractiveness scores, really? Are you 12?

Xales · 01/08/2013 21:25

I am 45. BF is 27. Been together 5 years or so now. He would be happy to settle down/get married. I am too immature.

I am very aware that even though he says he doesn't want children (been there, done that) he may change his mind as he get older so I enjoy what we have, take each day as it comes and have fun.

We have been together longer than some marriages.

Don't really do attractiveness scales as I fancy wierdos (think Rimmer or Christopher Ecclestone) but would say he was much more atttractive than I am.

Original poster

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 21:32

The attractiveness thing was just a shorthand way of saying whilst I am generally considered pretty, look good for my age, and so on, he is very much on a whole other level. Seriously head turningly handsome.

And I do think that, plus the age thing, really makes a difference. Unfortunately.

OP posts:

lilibet · 01/08/2013 21:34

I'm 50, dh is 39, ex h is 62!

Ages and looks don't matter, personalities do.

I know of someone my age whose best friend is now in her eighties, they have been best friends for over 25 years, I know it's not the same but imagine on what they would have missed out on if they dismissed each other as being the wrong age?

Dahlen · 01/08/2013 21:45

The trouble with attractiveness is that it really is in the eye of the beholder. He could be Brad Pitt and you could be Jo Brand, but if he thinks you're his Angelina Jolie it's irrelevant.

Xales · 01/08/2013 21:53

Now I have the mental image of Brad Pitt and Jo Brand at it. And I really don't think Brad Pitt is attractive!

Thanks for that Dahlen

Dahlen · 01/08/2013 21:56

Neither do I, so it's a bit weird that I chose him as an example really.

Original poster

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 22:14

He's much better looking than Brad Pitt!

I however am no Angelina Jolie (more like a chubby Kate Winslet).

I am normally quite secure about my looks, however I have never been in any way involved with a man this attractive before.

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 01/08/2013 22:22

Well he fancies you.

I'm not interested in younger men too much these days because mostly they want kids someday and I won't be able to help with that and because even if they say they don't want them at all I would consider it too much of a risk to start anything when I'm 40 with signs of massively reduced fertility chances and we're talking men in their late twenties, early thirties who may change their minds down the line. I'm looking for keeps next time (hopefully) so don't want to get involved. That is me though.

ITCouldBeWorse · 01/08/2013 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 22:27

I suspect he isn't looking for anything long term, whereas I am, really. And I think short term would end in a lot of (my) tears

He already has DC (as do I) but I suspect as he was only in his teens at the time, he may well want more at some point in the next 10 years or so...

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 01/08/2013 22:59

ONS? With him being so scrummy looking? I can handle a one night stand but if I like someone then I'd get attached in a fuckbuddy situation and I take ages to get over rels so prefer not to bother.

ITCouldBeWorse · 01/08/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xalyssx · 01/08/2013 23:11

You can make an age gap work if you put in a lot of effort... you can make an 'attractiveness gap' work if the supposed less attractive person is okay with their partner being flirted with.

Original poster

YooMooo · 01/08/2013 23:21

I don't think I could do a ONS with him, I've done them in the past but I feel like I'm a bit old for that now. Plus I suspect I already like him too much to find a ONS anything other than dispiriting.

Guess that's my answer.

If ONLY he was 10 years older!

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 01/08/2013 23:42

Oh well, have a wank over him in bed tonight instead. Enjoy a little fantasy and keep looking.

anothershittynickname · 01/08/2013 23:49

You don't have to "put a lot of effort" into an age gap relationship xalyssx - my DH is 10 years my junior and our relationship is easy!

Original poster

YooMooo · 02/08/2013 08:29

I think this would be work though...if anything long tern did happen I would certainly have to work to maintain my looks, conscious of all the young 20something girls with no lines, cellulite or stretch marks waiting to take my place. Not a cheerful thought!

Think I am resigned to it being a non starter, although doesn't help when he texts me goodnight and says he's thinking of me.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 02/08/2013 08:33

Would you really want to be with someone who rated you on what you look like ? Surely you shouldn't have to 'work' on your looks. If my DH said he would be happier with a thinner, younger, prettier woman I would gladly show him the door. .

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