Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FFS This is ridiculous!

37 replies

LucyBabs · 01/08/2013 13:20

OK I need advice, a talking to and outside perspective.

I don't even know where to start.

Dp woke me this morning before he left for work to tell me there was a possibility we had sex during the night Confused
I have no recollection of this at all.
I had a few glasses of wine before bed. I felt slightly tipsy but I remember going to bed and falling asleep.

Dp had had one small glass of wine before going to bed he was asleep long before me.

I feel awful how could I possibly not remember?
Worse still dp would know I was half pissed /half asleep why did he have sex with me!
I feel violated or something, I'm not sure because surely its just as much my fault isn't it?
I had to get the MAP this morning so that makes me feel worse.

Am I being dramatic?
Argghh I'm confused Sad

OP posts:
BelaLugosisShed · 02/08/2013 08:25

I think he's playing nasty mind games with you - if you haven't had sex for months, you would definitely know if he'd penetrated you and if he'd ejaculated inside you then you would feel it ( and smell it) .

Original poster
LucyBabs · 02/08/2013 14:27

Dp doesn't seem to think we have a problem and doesn't like that I have suggested he knew exactly what he was doing Angry

It is definitely over for me. I'm dreading all of this now though, how do I explain to dd that we won't all be living together anymore, she's almost 5 Sad

OP posts:
OxfordBags · 02/08/2013 18:10

He asked if you thought he'd raped you - why do you think he asked this? Because he KNOWS he did (or assaulted you, if not penetration). And because he knows he did and doesn't care and enjoys it. All this didn't know what he was doing crap is absolutely bullshit, and sounds like the lies of a child - I bet it's how he used to try to get himself out of trouble when he was small and he's not evolved since then. Of course he does 't like you saying he knew what he was doing - he doesn't want to face up to the fact that he is a sexual abuser/rapist. He deludes himself by doing it when you're asleep and wants you to collude in your own abuse by going along with his bullshit.

Anyway, glad you are ending it. Removing your DD from a household where her father believes he has a right to assault or rape a sleeping female is a very important thing to do.

CailinDana · 02/08/2013 20:53

How are you doing lucy?

Original poster
LucyBabs · 02/08/2013 20:57

Not great cailindana

Having a lot of second thoughts second guessing myself. I suppose its because my relationship is over and I am nervous starting a new life.

I'm trying to put the other night out of my head. I have no memory of it anyway.

I just feel so let down. Its true that you can't trust anyone but yourself.

Thank you for asking though

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/08/2013 21:02

Have you broken up with him?

Original poster
LucyBabs · 02/08/2013 21:07

More or less. He's not been home today, He went out straight from work for a drink (shows how worried he is about our relationship)

I'm sure we'll talk properly tommorrow. There's no going back now. The damage has been done.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 02/08/2013 21:10

I'm glad you're definite about it. Don't let him bullshit you into changing your mind. How long were you together?

DfanjoUnchained · 02/08/2013 21:18

You poor thing, how horrible. :(

I wake up to my P touching me every so often and will either let him carry on if I'm in the mood or shove him off and he'll roll over. When I tell him the next day his face is like Confused he literally doesn't remember. I know this is different to what happened to you.

It seems he told you because he knew (he only had one small glass of wine so why wouldn't he unless he suffers from what my P does?) he had sex with you and knew you would need to get the map so was covering himself.

Did he seem remorseful? It doesn't sound like he has much respect for you at all. You will be fine on your own, or you might meet someone lovely and interesting who respects you. Take care

Vivacia · 02/08/2013 21:27

Dfanjo why would you let your partner continue in a sexual activity if you know he's not aware of what he's doing?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 02/08/2013 21:35

I'm so sorry Lucy but I'm another one who thinks he knew exactly what he was doing, remembers 100% of what happened, and only mentioned it as a "maybe" in case you had some memory of it and/or so you could get the MAP.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You do however sound very strong and decisive which will be a great advantage for you and DD during the challenges ahead.

DfanjoUnchained · 02/08/2013 21:38

I'm not aware until the next day, he always seems awake at the time then when I say something like 'god you were handsey last night' he's like huh?! But then always laughs so there's no issues there really.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page