Next week will mark a year since l left EA ex

[Wereonourway]

I'm proud of myself for leaving. Ds, who is 2.5, has flourished.

Problems re contact are still ongoing. In short, my ex doesn't prioritise, he maintains he has rights but says and does very little about his responsibilities.(financial/time keeping/planning his working hrs etc)

So I listened to MN, I enagaged a solicitor, he so far hasn't.

I refuse to engage anymore. We talk, via text when we have to and I'm calm and polite and non responsive to his bullshit.

I maintain a positive view of ex to ds and always will do. I have instigated contact, probably more than I should have but at least it happens and ds seems Happy.He cries when he goes to ex but soon calms down.

So to my question. Practically I'm doing all the things I've been advised to get over the ea and the continuation of it after split. By mn'ers and by family and friends and do feel the benefits but I still feel as if I'm putting on a front.

I hate hate hate being away from ds. He stays with his dad twice a week and in lost, I try to fill in time but I mope and just want ds with me. I don't show this but privately this is how I feel.

Ds is going away with ex soon, abroad and I'm dreading it. I know ds will enjoy it. I tell myself this every day but I'll be so sad to be away from him it actually hurts.

I'm still anxious re ex, handovers, what he does/doesn't do with ds and I feel swamped by it at times.

I've genuinely tried to maintain a healthy respectful relationship with ex and failed. I know it's not possible, perhaps this adds to my anxiety.

My real question is will it stop, will I ever accept how things are?

Yes, it will.

I'm a year ahead of you, similar hopes, ambitions and advice in terms of being positive and engaging with ex.

But I had no time to dwell due to house sale, moving, school changes, work changes etc, so my time alone was precious.

Do something for you because you will have spent years pandering to him and devote the more recent times to your DC and leaving ex.

It's time to catch a breath, slow down and do stuff for you.

I surrounded myself with family, friends and extra work. I have a stone to show for the wine consumption but well worth it for the crying and laughing done over the past two years.

Yes, I worry that he's not minding DD properly even though she is older than yours but unless you have any reason to fear that he can't, you have to let them at it.

Quiet time and fun for you will become the norm, embrace it.

Well done wereon for getting this far. I'm nearly three years out and still miss my DC who live with their DF in our old home when home from Uni etc. But they need their mum!
It gets easier. You will always worry about how XH treats DS due to his being EA but that relationship is outside your control. You have to trust that your DS is learning good boundaries and understanding good behaviour while he is with you.
Try to enjoy your child free time and be a little selfish and recharge your batteries. Everybody needs time off!

Thank you for the replies.

I think I'm feeling more fragile due to the upcoming holiday and because if a letter en route to ex from my solicitor re his behaviour towards me, particularly in text messages.

It's like a continuing balancing act which I have absolutely no control over. Someone on MN told me "you can't reason with an unreasonable person" and that's what I feel I'm still trying to do.

I have to really, for ds. I do have him for the majority of the time and selfish reasons aside I think that's best at the moment. He has a solid routine with me, I provide absolutely everything for him(financial/emotional/practical).

Shockingly I found myself wondering today where I'd gone wrong. I'm approaching my 30th birthday as a single mum and it makes me a bit sad

I loved ex so much, I wanted it to work, for us to be a family so much. I tried far far too hard before I realised I couldn't help ex, couldn't please him. And yet it still saddens me. Suppose in still in mourning and looking back at the mighty emotional mess the last year has been. I'm ashamed and sad and angry.

One thing I know and that keeps me going is that ds is unaffected by it all, as far as I can tell. He is very bright, kind and loving and super intelligent.

I'm seeing a counsellor who is lovely, maybe this will let me rid me of my demons! It's helped just to pour out on MN tbh.

I'd love a friendly amicable respectful relationship with ex, I really really would. He can be a fantastic dad and could be such a good influence on ds. Hopefully one day we will get there.

Thanks for listening x

Stick with the counselling, it really really helped me see why I left; that I did the right thing.

And pour all you want x