Should he leave?

[redwithpolkadots]

Discovered 2 weeks ago that DH has been using online sex lines. It emerged in time that use of these sites and general porn images online have been extensive. He has admitted he is addicted to them and is not sure that he'll be able not to start again. He says he loves me and the DCs but feels cold inside. He went to the docs and got put on ADs. He's been on them before when he suffered with very severe depression about 3 years age. At that point he told me our relationship was over. He was very ill and I was devastated but also deeply concerned for his welfare.

The thing is, I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of picking up the pieces, tired of being shat on. In the 12 years we have been together I have never doubted my love for him. Now I am not so sure. I have lost respect for him. The sex he was having online was full on. Pictures too. One of the girls was 17. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he's into kids or anything, some were much older, I just feel like he crossed a moral line which I can't get over. I don't know how I'll trust him again.

We get on well. We're good friends and have a lovely life in so many ways. I just don't know that we can get through this.

Anyone?

Oh god, sorry, it sounds like he has a serious problem, he needs more than ads, he needs counselling. Are these actual web cams where he is engaging with them?

Just still photos. He will see a psychosexual counsellor in October. We'll see her together if we're still together. We're off on holiday for 2 weeks on Friday. With friends! I told him last night that when we come back I might want him to move out and get a flat locally. I haven't made a definite decision yet.

You say the sex he was having online was full, on, sorry, not sure what that means?

I think you need more time to absorb this and to think about how you feel. Whatever decision you make needs to take into account the fact that you don't know whether he will be able to manage his addiction successfully. That's not an easy decision and will take time.

If it were me in your shoes I would end it simply because porn is a dealbreaker for me, but it may not be for you; it may simply be the scale of it that's the issue.

If this is just one more incident in a long line of things wrong in your relationship, I think that would make the decision a lot clearer.

Hope you feel better soon and manage to get some enjoyment from the holiday.

I suppose it all depends if you are prepared to go through yet another struggle with him - I agree about crossing a line here and losing respect. What do you think is the cause of the previous depression? know what you mean about being tired of it, perhaps you are, perhaps you need to take a long hard think about your future, not his.

Sex was just threads with full sexually explicit detail and explicit photos received and sent. His previous depression was brought on by a family bereavement. I want us to get through it but just don't know if I've got the energy and strength. We are seeing a woman from Relate tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like life might just be easier if it were just me and my DCs, (7 and 4) alone.

Much as it seems like a nightmare that we have 2 weeks away booked together, I did think that it might be a blessing in disguise. At least we'll have time together to sort out our heads.