Don't believe he still loves me, he denies this. What to do?

[Theblackenedpearl]

I have nothing solid to go on, just an instinct that all is not well. For a start, he's stopped saying it. If I say it to him he'll sometimes say it back but there is a slight pause, a slight hesitation iyswim?
He rarely wants sex and very rarely comes to bed at the same time as me preferring instead to sit at his pc all night. I also happen to know he's been deleting bits of history. I know this because he uses Firefox and I accidentally restored his last session - once you do that you can restore recently closed tabs and on there was stuff that wasn't in the history (nothing dodgy but proves he deletes targeted history). He is going away for a week soon and has made no mention of missing me, despite the fact that he knows I'm going to miss him. His whole demeaner towards me seems more indifferent and distant. I have asked him if he no longer loves me and he says "don't be silly" but again there is a pause or hesitation. He isn't treating me badly or being a twat, I can't put my finger on it but I'm pretty sure I can tell he doesn't truly love me. Something he said the other night was "course I do, i care about you a lot" I said that's different from living someone and he said it isn't. What do I do?? I love him dearly and this is tearing me up, I can't stop thinking about it, I'm scared he's going to finish it

Listen to your instinct. I didn't and wish I had. Why wait for him to do the dumping? He's making you unhappy. End it yourself and find someone who thinks you're wonderful!

It doesn't sound great and your instinct may well be spot on.

In any case, if you don't feel loved, it isn't right for you.

(This post is written with the presumption that you are not generally an insecure person who constantly doubts even the healthiest of relationships.)

If he finishes it, what will happen?

Think it through. Work out what you'd do so that you'd cope. Research any financial help you might get, think about who would live where, what childcare arrangements would be. Plan it all as if he is leaving you. Remove the fear of him doing that. If you know you can cope, you can concentrate on the relationship and whether you want it to continue because you love him, not because you're scared of being on your own.

If you don't want the relationship to end, that's one thing, but if you find yourself wanting to sacrifice yourself to keep a relationship in which the other person doesn't want to be with you, that's a different matter altogether. If you feel like that, this advice isn't appropriate and you can disregard this post.

Having worked out how you'd cope on your own, sit him down and give it to him straight. Tell him about the little signs you've picked up on and that it's basically an insult to your intelligence to keep pretending that everything is ok when it clearly isn't. Tell him you've already thought about how you'd cope on your own and have a plan B ready if need be. Tell him you'd rather be on your own than with someone who doesn't really love you and it's time for him to be honest and really state how he feels and how he sees your future.

"he cares about you alot"

I care about my exwife alot but I certainly dont love her.

That is a phrase that would worry me.

It can be a sign of depression too though so don't leave before talking about things.