Alone and unsupported

[Rachael200694]

Hiya, I don't really like posting this sort of thing cause I know I'll feel guilty later for it but I feel I need to talk to someone.
I'm pregnant and very happy to be, but I feel I'm doing this alone. It feels like this is my baby and that my partner isn't really a part or interested. He doesn't really make me feel loved, and doesn't often talk about the baby.
He says he loves me quite often but I don't FEEL it if you get me? I tell him this and he says he's 'never been good at relationships', he said I'm the first girlfriend he's loved but saying that suggests I'm just another one of the ones he didn't love. And you can't be bad at relationships I think, if you love someone it just naturally shows!!
We've only looked at baby things once together cause he moaned the entire time, saying he's not interested he just wants the baby not the clothes etc. which I completely get but why spoil it for me?
He openly admits he doesn't want to come to antenatal classes with me which yet again, makes me feel completely isolated and alone.
He rarely talks about the baby or anything but when I've mentioned it he says he's worried he's not going to be able to see the baby much, which suggests he cares.
When I talk to him about anything to do with me or anything i need to talk about he doesn't respond. I get bare minimum off him and when he talks to me it's literally about sport or music I don't like then gets moody if I get bored of him talking about it!
I'm getting to the point where some times I wonder if I should leave him and just focus on my baby. But I do love him and know he's not a bad person he's just mega hard work and i think he may grow up eventually as his mum has raised him to be selfish and insecure. Part of me feels he just needs confidence that he hasn't been raised to have and he'd maybe be a lot easier to get on with. I don't know what I even want from this post but I just feel I need to tell someone.

I don't really know what to say, but didn't want to leave it unanswered.

It's not fair that he's making you feel like this, you should be happy and excited! Could it be that he's worried he won't be a good dad? Possibly looking at baby things makes it more real and scares him.

Try talking to him, explain what you've said here. My DH was very bad at relationships when we first got together, it took lots of talking and explaining but he's pretty good now!

I don't really know what to say, but didn't want to leave it unanswered.

It's not fair that he's making you feel like this, you should be happy and excited! Could it be that he's worried he won't be a good dad? Possibly looking at baby things makes it more real and scares him.

Try talking to him, explain what you've said here. My DH was very bad at relationships when we first got together, it took lots of talking and explaining but he's pretty good now!

He sounds terrified. can you involve each of your families a bit more - to bind you and baby together and encourage you to feel more of a family unit? You also sound very young.

Yeah we are quite young were both in our early twenties but I've always been really mature and independent from a young age. He is kind of the opposite and I find it hard because like you say he's probably scared but it comes to me as him being cold and uninterested.
I try involve him but he's so negative and it feels like a massive waste of time when I work so hard to help him and get such a bad response! Very frustrating

I bought my DH a blokes guide to pregnancy, and it really annoys me that he hasn't read it yet! He keeps saying he'll read it after baby gets here.

What reassured him was looking after his nephew, he's 2 so a toddler but I think it helped him realise babies aren't some kind of strange alien! Or tell him that your getting a bit overwhelmed by all the information about babies, so he can admit he is?

And treat yourself, buy a nice 'mum to be' pampering set and try to enjoy being pregnant :)

You're both very young to be taking on such a big commitment, but you're not teenagers and plenty of parents younger than you have found themselves in this situation and risen to the challenge. Your ages are irrelevant.

That said, his level of maturity (which isn't always age related) IS a problem. This baby is coming and if he's worried about how he's going to cope, he needs to face up to that NOW and start putting plans into place to ensure he's ready. In your shoes I would spell that out in no uncertain terms and make it clear that if he doesn't rise to the challenge he will quickly find himself single once the baby has arrived and you are left to do it all, since it is far easier to be a single parent than it is to be a parent with a crap partner.

Please, please don't make the mistake of thinking you can love him out of this, or fix him, because you can't. People only change and develop when they want to do it for themselves and no one can do it for them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck for the future.

Yeah I think you're right. Age is irrelevant, I'm completely happy, comfortable and prepared and I'm younger than he is. When I'm scared I get it sorted or face up to it, where he just backs out and does nothing.
I've told him a few times how miserable he keeps making me and how alone I feel and he did start being there for me a bit more. So maybe I need to spell it out for him properly and fully so he completely gets the whole picture.
And I agree completely with the single parenting being easier than with a bad partner. I can really imagine that being the case cause I'd be a lot less stressed even if he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby and disappear (not that he ever ever would!) than having someone who's half there and half not. I find the uncertainty the hard part, I need to know where we stand!