Not sure what to do, please help.

[givvusaclue]

My DP and I have been together for 5 years and we have a DS who is 2.

I was working until last year and now due to my DP's income my JSA has been ended and I receive no benefits now. I have literally no income and rely on my DP. He receives the CB for our DS and his income takes us over the limit for tax credits but due to our relatively large outgoings we are finding things very tight.

To cut a long story short I feel completely trapped, I also feel my DP is FA and is often EA due to the stress of it all. I don't feel in any danger but there is no real relationship any more and I sleep in my son's bedroom (a large room so we are OK).

With no income I really am not sure what to do. I have no family nearby and I would have thought it would be next to impossible to get a flat from the council. I have no savings and no income and cant get a job due to the cost of childcare. I can't see a way out.

If you were to leave, the first thing you'd do is have the CB paid into your own bank account and apply for tax credits and other benefits in your own right as a single adult household. www.turn2us.org.uk has a very good benefits checker link where you could work out what your income might be. Councils have some emergency accommodation for people who have been made homeless and, if the relationship is abusive, agencies like Womens Aid can sometimes offer temporary refuge.

When you say 'large outgoings' do you mean you are heavily in debt?

DP is in debt and to be fair its debt gathered by doing things for us, buying our own place (mortgage in his name) and kitting that out.

I'm not sure if it's abuse or not I just know this whole situation is unpleasant. He might just be being tight because of the finances and we argue a lot because of the pressures, is that abuse or not I dunno, makes me feel shitty though and it's ruined out relationship.

Could I claim even if I was under his roof? I dont want to put my son in a shelter when he has a good roof over his head even if the atmosphere isnt great. He loves his dad so much and that is reciprocated.

Can you have the CB put in your name? Is it that he won't share money, or there simply isn't any? Either way it sounds like some relationship counselling would be a good idea. You also need to get a job of some sort: evenings, weekends, childminding from home, etc. Once you have your own income then you are in a better position no matter what you decide to do.

Thanks for your reply, I've tried to get something but it's really tough at the moment. I thought about the childminding and have all the required certificates but am not OFSTED registered and can't afford the £100 or so cost. You are not allowed to childmind minus this and I'm not sure what parents would want a non registered CM. It's all a bit of a catch 22 at the minute.

As for my relationship, I'm not sure I even want to save it, there has been so much nasty stuff said. I just can't see a way out.

I thought child benefit had to be paid into the main carers account?

Could you check this out?

At the very least that is yours I'm sure.

There is a lot of stuff you have posted in your OP....and many questions:

Why do you think childcare is a cost only you have to cover?

Why is your DP not sharing any of his money with you - you have a child together?

You sound very trapped and unhappy. That is typical of an abusive relationship - and you say there have been so much nasty stuff said - what sort of nasty stuff is going on?