Feel like people dont care

[feelflat]

I have namechanged but wanted to post as I feel so flat and rubbish about the state of my friendships I keep wondering is it me? Am I wanting too much?

Friends are happy to see me but don't really make the plans to see me, its always me starting off the texts etc (apart from one or two who are both ways)

I have moved to another area 18months ago and when planning on coming back to visit people are not really putting themselves out to see me i.e I can only see you for an hour as I need to go to xyz..

My friend came to the area (supposedly to visit) but hasn't even dropped in as she as gone to another area for the day with her children.

I am struggling to make new friends where I have moved to. One couple we really get on with asked us over and then cancelled the same day and postponed to this weekend yet when I saw them they told me of their plans the weekend with other friends.

I just feel so down, me and my husband are sociable friendly people and we feel so isolated and lonely sad

What is going wrong

You must be picking the wrong people. IME there's always someone who is the networker, making the effort to organise others. But if you're wasting time on the wrong types it'll fall flat. Keep your sociable, friendly nature and have another go with the local couple that postponed. They might hate your guts or they might just be rubbish at keeping a diary.

I totally understand where you are coming from.
I am tired now of pursuing friendships that I have to keep chasing people to meet up. I often wonder what it is and if I have offended people and why they can't be bothered. My dh thinks it's age difference in some cases.

It is probably a number of reasons but it just feels rubbish!

My friend who came to the area but left without visiting me actually text me the day after to say how much of a shame it was that she hadn't seen me before she left?! wtf?
She said her son said hi to my dd and was so looking forward to seeing her. I replied to say I hadn't told my dd as she would have been upset.
Then got the usual text of "we must do xyz" I am like whatever

I know exactly where you are coming from. When I moved into a new area I felt incredibly isolated and it was hard work making new friendships and maintaining new ones. People are people they dont necessarily realise that they are being hurtful which is obvious but true and you shouldnt lose sight of the fact that this is no reflection on you. The turning pint for me came when my dd1 started school. I met a new network of lovely mums and one of my friends is so close we are like sisters. Dont give up hope. xx

I think people are absorbed in their jobs/dc/dh/dp/relatives and everything else takes a back seat, sometimes they just don't have time for what they see as extra socialising. More chances if you have a hobby in common, or similar problems at hime to discuss. I feel your pain - it's hard work with little result and very dispiriting. I'm mortified to be imposing too much, but then if I don't make the effort with the new people not much happens, you can't win! I 'm friendly with a woman of the same age in my new area, but for some unknown reason she wouldn't go for a coffee just with me (I'm not asking for evenings as she has a P), always brings colleagues wit her - which is fine but no chance to get closer by having more personal chats - I really don't get it! I would never expect coffees daily or even weekly on our own, but why the heck not gice it a chance, it doesn't hae to be even very close. thanks for the thread though, I now know it's not just me.

I know where you're coming from too.

We moved to the UK when I was 6 months pregnant with DD1 and I found it incredibly difficult to make real friends. Then I had some great mummy friends, but a lot of them moved. Then I went back to work, lost touch with my school gate friends... And so on.......

I feel like I've been on this constant cycle of making and losing friends for 10 years and it is exhausting. I have 4 close friends but 2 of them I don't see on a regular basis. When I was in my 20's and early 30's, pre-DC I had TONS of friends. I consider myself friendly and outgoing. I also ask myself what I am doing wrong....

I think it's partly my life choices though. As a SAHM I had a lot more time to maintain friendships. Now I have work friends but it's not the same. Also, having and maintaining friends when you're a parent is pretty hard, especially when the friend in question doesn't have kids, or their DC are a hugely different age than your own.......

allaflutter quite a x-post! I'm also glad it's not just me.

I've got someone like your almost-friend too. I really like her. Her DD2 and my Dd1 are best friends at school. She is an extremely cool woman and I would love to be friend's with her. But she is so, so busy - it's part of what makes her so cool - she has 4 kids, lovely home, and is the editor of a big magazine.... she's also from here, so has her entire lifetime network of friend's and family around. She probably doesn't need any new friends in her life, has no space for them, whereas I would quite happily devote a whole evening to dinner with her!

Damn iPad keeps autocorrecting friends to friend's and it's driving me mental. Sorry for the rogue apostrophes, I can't be bothered to change them all.

yes, Hearts, the worst bit is questioning yourself and that way negativity lies. The friend I mentioned hasn't got dc (yet) or a high powered job, but she does commute for an hour so in the eves rushes off home. As I'm so near I'm happy to have a coffee/lunch, she does get a lunchbreak most days. She's not bringing other girls fromn work because they have work to discuss - I don't think she's close friends wit them either - it's almost like she likes it casual and the more the merrier(even if just three of us) rather then wanting to develop a closer friendship or at least to see how it goes. Yes, she has her clse friends and a P and probably doesn't need anyone else. She's friendly though and not 'cool', so I wonder if she feels I'll be clingly - without even knowing whether she may enjoy becoming friends. I have my true close friends from years back living elsewhetre, so I'm not after soulmate type friendship really.
Another woman i gort on with on a course - really a lot of interests in common there, agreed to text and meet when both in london. She hasn't contacted me for a while since the course, then texted apologising that she wasn't very well and let her knownow when I'm in town. I was so pleaed - got back to her after one week (i was on hols) giving her options - nothing in response, she disappeared. I texted again (saying sorry but maybe she's missed my text), but nothing. Could be a reason of course - but not even a mention of reasons. I could tell she liked me thoiugh and we got on. So who knows? I have to plough through still, as old friends are nowhere near.

and yes Op, the feeling is exactly 'nobody cares' - I know they are not obliged, but caring a little would be so great. I can be very supportive to friends too, so it's a shame.

Maybe you should look at that from different point of view
People do care but accidents happend
perhaps it maybe a reasons for situations like you described

Anyway Im quiet impressed with you guys
IMO it can be extremely difficult to find a real friendship those days especially when people are busyz or lost
with their day to day life