Made a list of reasons to leave my husband

[Speedos]

I have posted before and many of you have very wise words. I am trying to get the courage to one day leave him so wrote a list of things that bother me or have bothered me over the years and just realised how bad it looks. I honestly don't think he is a bad man but I look at this and think oh my god, how am I in this place.

I am mostly worried that a crush I have on someone is making home seem worse. We have 2 dc, 5 & 3.

I'm not really sure what I am asking as I have nowhere to go, we would have to live in the same house for a while as I doubt he would move out of the house he would see as having worked and paid for (I am SAHM, we have been together 12 years)

He seems to have picked up something wrong as has actually been nice and suggesting things over the past few days, is it worth giving it another try if he changes?

Anyway here is the list for comment:

• always belittle and discourage my interests and conversation

• never wants to do anything (wouldn't commit to a 10th wedding anniversary trip but happily booked his own weekend abroad same month to visit some friend)

• in the past making fun of my friends or any potential friends

• never wanting to do anything I want to do if he doesn't like it

• not wanting to do anything for kids but bare minimum (never taken either swimming or bike riding for fun)

• always commenting on me not working and how easy I have it

• nothing in common really

• no mutual friends

• not saying out loud but I can tell hating me going out or to gym

• always get arsy response when I ask him to do anything

• always referring to money like that should be enough to be happy

• hardly ever have sex and it's never been very good

LTB.

are there any reasons why you are still with this waste of space?

Your DC will be so much happier away from him.

That's like my life in a list.

Obviously I have no advice, but looks like we both have a buddy-in-the-same-boat at least x

What would you like to be doing? Start thinking about your life and how to improve it. Possibly going back to work, or studying? You will need to learn to switch off to his negative vibes about everything you do. But rather than just split, start getting your future life organised first, what would you like to make yourself happier and fulfilled (apart from him moving out).

He sounds like my h, they never change,I left come weeks ago and although its crap and I have a lot of crap to come I don't regret it, I do as I always did and don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. Do what's best for you and dcs

"He seems to have picked up something wrong as has actually been nice and suggesting things over the past few days, is it worth giving it another try if he changes?"

Just bear in mind that you're offsetting 12 years of crap against a few days of nice behaviour. Keep a sense of perspective

Thank you for all your responses. I have started tonight by emailing all my old bosses trying to see if anyone knows of any jobs, it's a small start. I need to get that independence. What happens if we break up and he won't move out?

He also has this annoying throat clearing noise that he has always done and it drives me nuts, I think I am going to scream if I hear it again tonight.

lonelywife - I have just read your thread and thought the exact same thing, hopefully we both find the strength.

I really don't know what will happen at the moment.

Tonight's conversation (I quit smoking 10 days ago):

how was work?
yeah ok, saw mate for lunch, what did you do?
we of had a pj day and lots of icelollies (they are my cig replacements), do you want to know how long it's been?
No
What? really? you're not interested in how many days its been?
No. It doesn't matter. Just get to next week.
End of conversation.

We watched tv. Both on laptops now.

Urgh.

It will be hard if you decide to leave, I am there, it was the thought of everything still being the same in another 5,6,7 years because it would be and I couldn't face that.

Great Speedos, if you have an interesting busy life to look forward to it will be much easier to go it alone and shrug off the past.