Mother issues.

[Weegiemum]

Due to really toxic behaviour that will be no news to people on this topic, I've not spoken to my mother for 7 years and when I did last see her, at my Gran's funeral, she blanked me and dh totally. She left when I was 12 for my Dad's best friend, and it's always been hard. Due to this, my sister, who took my mothers "side" in this, also is estranged.

Anyway - my younger brother has just got engaged. Looking to get married in the middle of next year. I really don't know how to play it, he's the one who has kept in with both sides (very tactful). But mother and sister will be there. My dc don't remember their grandmother. Never met their aunt. I'm really worried!

Sounds like she is a poisonous person.

If you go to the wedding, I would just say "hello" to her and then avoid her. If she's rude enough to blank you at her son's wedding, then that's her problem.

It would be a shame to miss your brother's wedding because of her and your sister.

Do your best for your brother. Go to the wedding, be civil and try to make the day as nice as possible for him

Yes, I know my brother will be all tact, he's not going to put us on the same table. Our dc are likely to be invited too, which is another layer of worry - how on earth do I deal with this for them. They wouldn't know my mother, but they'll be there, and she'll be there, I'm already stressing!

Poor you - can understand your worry. Go and put a smile on, be civil and then avoid her as much as possible, shouldn't be too hard at a wedding!

Your kids don't know her? Don't bring them to the wedding. She is likely to jsut bring confusion into their lives if they find a "grandma" at this wedding who ultimately ends up disappointing them further down the line, as she is likely to.

If they've survived this long without her in their lives, keep it that way.

For your brother's sake please see him and his fiancee on their Big Day. You can be sunny in the same room as M and sister without any unpleasantness. There'll be additional guests to dilute any awkwardness. How old are your DCs - surely they will be excited so may be immune to edginess. All they will need to focus on is their uncle and the bride. I don't blame you for feeling apprehensive but take it in stages.

Who knows in the intervening months there may be some olive branch from the rest but for now focus only on DB.

Thanks everyone.

I think it's my dc I'm most worried for. At the time of the wedding they'll be 14, 12 and 10. They already know the basics - I don't talk to my mother because she was very nasty to me and Auntie X agreed with her.

When my gran died, my mother sent back to me everything my gran had kept of mine - including every photo of our children I'd ever sent to her.

I don't want to deny my kids the chance of going to the wedding. They love their uncle and are very fond of his fiancée (most of the family don't really like her but I think she's great - really outspoken and lippy with my db a bit like I am!)

I suppose ill just have to pay it by ear - oh yeah kids, her over there is your Granny! Dd1 has some memory of her, the others nothing, and dd1 is very protective of me and doesn't want to see my mother.

Ill post again if it gets awkward - thanks for your help!

I often think about this I haven't spoken to my mother for 4 years, my DC are younger than yours but have no recollection other either, she has met DD3 twice and never has seen DS.

My golden child younger brother has since had a DS that my mother apparently dotes on, we were invited to his 1st birthday party but we already had something on so couldn't make it but saw him the day after.

I don't think I could stand in a room with her gushing over my nephew, how awkward would that be? I often think what would happen if my brother got married?

I don't know what to suggest you have to go for your brother just ignore your mother or say hello and leave it