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Original poster

fed up with finances

11 replies

martini84 · 29/07/2013 08:12

I am self employed but have a very limited income. None at the moment as maternity allowance ended but not yet back in work.
We do have a joint account but i rarely use this. Also a joint cr card which i use..
When we no longer qualified for child benefit i wanted to carry on claiming it and get dh to do tax refund. He point blank refused. He does pay money in to cover my dds and maybe about 20 on top. Howver on occassions i have had to write out cqs fo kids expenses et and also birthday presents for dh.
At that point i asked for a cash injection. Just checked my account and this never materialised. I am now about to go od this am and am having to scrape together the last few bits of savings from the old chb accoun as joint account empty.
I am annoyed with dh for leaving me short.
I am also fed up of dh moaning about how much we (meaning i) spend on groceries. Yet he is happy to fork out massive amounts on sky and football season tickets.
Just the other day he also moaned about me buying more clothes for dc.
Tips on dealing with this appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/07/2013 08:42

I think you have to sit this man down with the account statements, credit card statements, all the income streams and the budget and make it very clear that you're not going to be penny-pinching and going o/d while he squanders money on football tickets any more... he's paying the lot. (When you say 'my DDs' are they not his children as well?) Suspicious why he doesn't want to fill out a tax return... is he doing cash in hand work or dodging tax some other way? It's a 'not negotiable'

Feel free to point out as well that, should you and DD's part company from him as a family, you'd be entitled to a hell of a lot more in maintenance.... a future that looks increasingly likely the longer he plays Ebeneezer.

cozietoesie · 29/07/2013 08:50

Probably best, as well, not to do it on the back of a bill or other problem that's just arisen - when feelings might be a little tight. In the cold light of evening, say, when the DCs are in bed and all the household work is done.

On that last point, and out of interest, what is the division of care and work within the house? I'm feeling this suspicion, given his attitude to money, that you might well be doing most if not all of that as well.

Original poster
martini84 · 29/07/2013 10:55

I think it is more that he can't be bothered to do a tax return. However. Yes he does do diiy and garden but doesn't do much else around the house. Seems to adopt the attitude that as he works long hours in a stressful job that his evenings should be relaxed. Sadly with our 3 dc I don't often get such a luxury.
Now obv i do have access to funds but i just wish i had a bit more money that feels like mine. I really miss child benefit and maternity allowance. Will have to try and make him see that.

OP posts:
LisaMed · 29/07/2013 11:00

Are you protecting your pension/NI contributions which would automatically come from Child Benefit?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/07/2013 11:23

So you're basically a servant/cook/childminder/housekeeper that he tosses a few quid towards occasionally.... Hmm Not his equal. I think he 'sees' it all too clearly tbh, and the set-up suits him just fine. Good luck getting this throwback to change....

Original poster
martini84 · 29/07/2013 11:47

Yes hrp still applies as i have claimed chb. Just not actually receiving it.
Things really must change.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/07/2013 12:05

At the very least I'd have said he should be putting a standing order transfer into your account every month for the Child Benefit you no longer receive plus your other personal expenses. Every other expense I'd put on the joint credit card so that he has to pay the bill. Any 'moaning' you'll just have to swat...

cozietoesie · 29/07/2013 12:13

Oh yes, indeedy. And I wouldn't be too worried about what you charge on the CC as long as it's in line with normal household income. (And by 'household' - I mean the entirety of your joint incomes.)

And if he won't discuss things first, well...... That's his look out.

nextphase · 29/07/2013 18:59

What would happen if you asked him to go and do the shopping one week - if he's anything like most of the blokes I know, set him a challenge to feed you all for the week, and do it for less than you spend?

It sounds like the current money arrangements aren't working. Agree with the suggestion of waiting til things are calm, and sititing down with a drawn up budget, and also putting as much as you can on his credit card.

Good luck

PS My birthday present, and DH's both come from the joint account, or the joint credit card. Limited surprises in this house!

Original poster
martini84 · 29/07/2013 20:00

I had hoped to put it cr card but mil got it for me. Had to pay by cq and just seemed wrong paying from joint account.
Thanks for tips.

OP posts:
comingintomyown · 29/07/2013 20:08

I have spent faaaarrrr too much time on MN today but I must say OP your name has popped up tons in connection with laziness of your partner and now money stuff.

I dont really have any tips sorry but maybe you need to have a big think ?

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