Relate- any experience?...

[s0fedup]

Just wondered whats peoples experiences of using them are...
Just starting out, its alot of money each week and I want to know if its worth it!
Thanks in advance

I might not be a world expert - only one session (by myself) so far, second one planned this week - but to date it's been really helpful to talk to someone independent and objective about my feelings - I find that emotions are really hard things to understand clearly and without someone to talk to you can twist yourself in knots. I guess some counsellors are better than others, but I think it's worth a shot.

It depends on several factors, not least your own objectives as a couple (or individual), what the problems have been, and what you want to get out of the sessions. Are you both prepared to listen, learn and change behaviour if necessary? Are you both fully committed to the relationship? It's not recommended to go to Relate as a couple when there has been emotional or other abuse, for example. Counsellors can also vary in quality

Thankyou coffee and cog
I was just after a range of personal experiences with them. We have had one initial session, and another for deciding weather we were suitable and the "round table" session tomorrow.
Then we decide if its for us...
I am committed, dh was initially but as the weeks have gone past, and the fact we are pootling along ok again Im bot sure how keen he is.
I think he might be thinking we dont need it as things are ok at the mo.

I agree about the counselors varying. Fortunately mine was fantastic and even though I was the one who in my mind wanted to end the relationship I have found myself in a better place and my DH and I are still together and happier. I understand more how his mind works and hopefully he does the same to me which means less tension.

Its a lot of money and we really couldn't afford it but my reasoning was the wedding cost us £10k and a divorce would cost money as well so it was worth a try. We ended up having sessions from the end of January to the beginning of May. Before we started I honestly thought it would be free!

If you are Berkshire based I can tell you the name of the chap we saw.

Incidentally I didn't like the initial lady we saw when we went to our assessment session so was mightily relieved when we got someone else!

Thanks liquid, we r not in berkshire unfortunately...
I do actually really like the lady so far. she is a mixture of older and very firm but also pops a smile in every now and then...

We had a great counsellor, but as we were not honest with her it didn't really help long term. If you are both properly committed and honest, with a counsellor you trust and respect I can see how it could really help.

Hi s0 I was on your other thread and was just checking you were ok.
I hope the counselling works out for you.

^I am committed, dh was initially but as the weeks have gone past, and the fact we are pootling along ok again Im bot sure how keen he is.
I think he might be thinking we dont need it as things are ok at the mo.^

I hope he keeps going but if not then you can also go by yourself if you feel it would help you.

italics fail.
also that should say I hope he keeps going if couples counselling is considered the best way forwards, but otherwise you can go by yourself...

good luck.

Just an observation on this - had a second (telephone) session today - again on my own - and the Relate counsellor was really surprising to me.

I mean this in a good way - I think, still getting my head around everything we discussed - but it's not how I expected it at all. In an unexpected way she has basically challenged all my assumptions and unthought thoughts about my marriage. In 2x 1 hour sessions she has turned the last 13 years completely on their head.

Everything she said makes complete sense, and I don't get the feeling she's a rogue agent looking to get people to split up (!)

Doing what I think I can see is the right thing now is going to be really hard (though it doesn't necessarily determine the path that will ultimately be walked, it does contain some very stark observations and potential consequences), but without it I don't think I would have ever even seen how things were, let alone get the strength to address them.

Depends on your counsellor I guess, but I have been literally and metaphorically shocked. Again, I think in a good way...

What sort of money are we talking for these, I always thought they were free? Naively. All the best to you all xx

£40 an hour, roughly (think it can vary)

Dreadful - absolutely dreadful in my experience. My counsellor was extremely poor and very judgemental of me - she very clearly took sides with my abusive now-ex and I often got the shit beat out of me after a session (as cogito says and I later learned, counselling is not appropriate in an abusive relationship and the idiotic "therapist" didn't mention it). She was some flavour of fundamentalist Christian and didn't seem able to accept the fact that I had had sexual relationships with other men before meeting my now ex. Because he couldn't accept this either they actually ganged up on me during sessions. I have a lot of anger towards relate due to this but I'm sure it was only a problem with this particular therapist and I'm sure they do many couples a world of good.

My ex was finally arrested for abusing me when I called the police after a particularly bloody episode. It took a lot of courage and poice/solicitor help for me to get away but that relate woman did absolutely nothing to help and ended up making things much worse.

I had to get that off my cheat but the main point for others is that if you don't like the therapist you're assigned to then trust your instincts and stay away!