Feel like I'm on self-destruct mode

[Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain]

Two years ago this week, I split up with my husband of 3 years/partner of 10.
Th letter came from his solicitor this week, suggesting we divorce. I've been doing crazy things for a while, but things have steadily been building and on Friday I had a threesome, and today I got pulled over by the police for driving without due care and attention. Which, I might add, scared the absolute crap out of me, and I will now worry about for weeks.
I've not turned to drink or drugs, but I've been through men like you wouldn't believe, my most recent has been open about wanting only casual things with women and even though I KNOW I need to be on my own, his attention and seeming lovingness when we're together is so authentic I can't stop myself.
I do have a drs appt on Tuesday, but I just wonder if anyone else has been here? How did you turn things around? I'm scared that something really awful will have to happen to me, to make me wake up and sort my life out.

Have you been doing crazy things after you split up from your husband, or before that as well.?

Not really. Getting tipsy was as crazy as it went, and my ex would insinuate I'd embarrassed him/myself, when others said I was perfectly fine and having fun. Towards the end I'd get that way and tell him 'you never let me have any fun' and the day my ex dumped me I remember him standing in the hallway telling me to find someone fun.

I am very self destructive. Mine is part of a long term mental health condition, but just wanted you to know - you deserve better than to destroy yourself.

See the doctor, and be completely honest with him.

Sir - is it bipolar disorder?

I recently spent a bit of time with an old friend that I'd lost touch with after Uni and she told me all of the stuff she's got up to over the last few years. Stripped for a living, spent vast amounts of money and got herself into debt etc etc

Igetknockeddown I've just PM'd you

No, I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. The sentiment remains regardless of title though :)

I went through a promiscuous stage after my father died, there was a load of Stuff with my mother, and work was going down the pan. I didn't exactly deal with it as such - I had already planned to go travelling (something I had discussed with him) and when I came back 6 1/2 months later, my head was a bit more sorted, and I realised that going with random blokes, it might make me feel loved and wanted for a bit, but it was a bit like drinking or drugs, and you come down and you're on your own again, and then it feels even worse.

Can you take a break at all? Is there anyone you can go and stay with, friends or family? I'm sure you can get things more in control, if run ins with the police are scaring you, but it's difficult to do things like that without support. I'm not saying you necessarily need to tell friends or family you've been in self-destruct mode, just that you're finding things really hard (the solicitor's letter should be enough reason), and you need a change of environment for a while.

If you have been going through a lot of men, it's probably worth getting checked at the local STI clinic - that also helped me draw a line under things and start a new phase in my life. Or if you're seeing the doctor anyway, they can probably do tests.

Thanks, yes, I've been putting off an STI check for ages. I've been pretty resolute about always using condoms but there's been a couple of times when it's split and I just hoped for the best. Not the kind of thing an intelligent person does, but there we go.