Feel so sad :-(

[saggyhairyarse]

So things haven't been going well with DP for a while and everything has come to a head. Despite the relationship problems, I just feel so sad that it is over.

I really loved him. We had a baby together but who's pregnancy I terminated because of an abnormality 16 years ago. We got back together when my marriage failed. Have been together for 3 years. I thought (hoped) we would be together and have another baby together. I thought this was my happy ever after.

Whenever I think about everything I had hoped for and that none of this will happen now, I just feel so tearful. I have wasted three years of my life, brought a man into my children's life that I needn't have bothered doing. I have invested time and energy in a relationship that has gone no where. Devastated is not the word.

On the plus side, despite his lack of support with my studies I have achieved the grades to get a distinction in the field that I am studying and have excellent feedback from my work placements. So I am not a complete loser but have exceptionally poor judgement when it comes to men.

Didn't want to just read and not post, i feel the same at the moment, my marriage ended nearly two years ago but feeling really down at the moment with everything else that is happening too. Devastation doesn't even cover it, you're right about that.

But don't think you've wasted 3 years of your life, you havn't, if you'd not got back together you might have spent the rest of your life wondering what if, thinking you'd missed a chance of happiness. At least this way you know you've tried your best to make it work.

If nothing else you'll have learnt from this experience, when you find another man you'll not make the same mistakes again.

Well done on getting such fantastic grades when all of this is happening too, i don't think you've got exceptionally poor judgement of men though, just unlucky its not worked out. Sending hugs x

Thank you for replying; it means a lot to know that I am not the only one to feel like this but sorry you feel similarly. I can see all the good in my life but really do yearn for a companion that accepts me for who I am and who loves me regardless, maybe I am asking too much of anyone?

You're not asking too much of anyone, a companion who accepts us for who we are, and who loves us regardless is just the least we can accept in a relationship.

It will happen for both of us, when the times right! Think we need to be alone for a while to learn to cope. If we met someone else too soon, we'd just be reliant on another man. This way when we do meet someone new, we'll be totally self reliant, a new man will be an extra, rather then the person our world revolves around.

All i need to do now is convince myself of the above lol Know its true really, but feeling down with everything at the mo, needed a reminder myself!

I don't think you're asking too much for someone to love you as you are but I think you are asking too much expecting another person to provide that happy ever after. Take some time to get to know and like yourself as a person, rebuild your confidence and to embrace independence. Be the author of your own happy ever after and then find someone to join you in it.... rather than the other way around.

Cogito, as always, is spot on. If you're waiting for someone else to "make" you happy you'll wait forever. You share happiness with someone, you don't depend on someone to provide it.

I know what you are saying, it was an analogy (is that the right word?). I have always been independent (being married to an alcoholic and essentially bringing up the children on my own, I have always worked, had my own friends and interests etc etc). But as any person who has been married to an alcoholic and been a single parent knows, it is not easy and bloody hard work at times! Once divorced, I have put myself through college and now Uni whilst also taking on Company Secretary roles that I can fit in to pay for extras.

What with work, Uni and the kids, I dont have much free time but I try to still see friends and do the things I want to do (within reason, that I can afford). I just had hoped that I had found my life partner, someone that had seen me at my lowest (when we lost the baby), someone that would not make me happy as such but someone who would just be there. I thought that when you found that person, things would be easier on a day to day basis but, as it was, we did not see eye to eye on lots of things that were fundamental to the relationship. So whilst I had hoped that being a relationship with this person would make things a bit easier (money not to be so tight, shared tasks, a companion to share interests etc) it was not to be.

I had hoped we would have another child and for security in the relationship but that is not going to happen. So having a failed marriage that slowly fell apart over 15 years, this relationship didn't work out and that makes me sad. I am not so much bothered about meeting anyone else or fullfilling these things with another man, it was about having those things with him :(

I didn't want to read and run.
I'm so sorry to hear what happened, It sounds like you've been through a lot.
I think what Cogito says is right, take some time for yourself, we can only make ourselves happy, I have only just realised this myself. I wanted to have my hair highlighted do all sorts of things but I still wouldn't be happy.
I hope things work out for you, maybe it's worth speaking to a GP? Or a rl life friend you can trust talking directly to someone helps. X