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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I been really stupid?

13 replies

kittenpuppy · 28/07/2013 10:51

I've just called the police on my ex. He was at my house to collect the kids, they were messing round, I was trying to get them ready. He started to get very angry that they werent ready to go (I know they should have been but they were five minutes away from being ready when he arrived and he is so often late that I wasnt expecting him to be on time).
He started to get verbally abusive, calling me a lazy bitch etc. I asked him to leave and wait outside until they were ready. He refused. I opened the door and he grabbed my arm and pushed me away from it and slammed it. At that point he started to get really angry and shout properly. I got my phone and told him that I would call the police if he didnt go. He didnt so I called them.
The police turned up as he was leaving. I felt pretty stupid explaining the situation as nothing had really happened, but I know when he gets like that it usually ends up with me pinned up against the wall and him screaming at me.
after the police left he spent about half an hour trying to get me to come out and talk to him and he has sent some horrible texts but he's gone now with the children. I don't know why but I feel so guilty. I suppose I just want some reassurance that I havent done the wrong thing. I'm going to have to sort out new contact arrangements now and i feel like I've made a lot of uneccesary trouble for everyone.

OP posts:
Mixxy · 28/07/2013 10:56

Yeah, sort out that new contact arrangement. Do you think your kids should see his aggression at handover? You did the right thing by calling the cops.

You poor thing. I'm sure there will be somebody along shortly with more useful advise.

mistlethrush · 28/07/2013 10:57

No, you did the right thing. It sounds a horrid situation.

Re future contact can you drop them at a 3rd party location?

Somethingtothinkabout · 28/07/2013 10:57

You did the right thing. The only reason this time didn't end up with you pinned against the wall is because you called them. Prevention is better than cure.

((unMumsnetty hug))

ChairmanWow · 28/07/2013 10:58

when he gets like that it usually ends up with me pinned up against the wall. That sentence alone is why you haven't wasted anybody's time. You felt threatened by him and did absolutely the right thing in calling the police. And you're right to review the contact arrangements.

What is he saying in his texts? Is there anything that worries you about the kids' safety, and does he have them overnight? If anything concerns you call the police, 111 if it's just for advice and not an emergency. But don't worry about wasting anyone's time. Better that they came out and found everything fine than they didn't and it wasn't iykwim.

ChairmanWow · 28/07/2013 10:59

Oh, and make sure you save the texts as well. Thanks

thepixiefrog · 28/07/2013 11:01

You absolutely did the right thing. Does he do it to the DC too? If so, you need to report him to ss and stop unsupervised contact. Report his horrible texts to the police too. Hope you are OK Flowers

HeySoulSister · 28/07/2013 11:02

You let the kids go with him? And so did the police? Is there a court order?

HeySoulSister · 28/07/2013 11:02

The police should ( they are duty bound) report this to ds anyway as its dv with dc present

kittenpuppy · 28/07/2013 11:07

Thanks everyone. I know that I did the right thing and I should have called the police on him a long time ago, but I don't feel like I have, I have this sick feeling in my stomach like I've done something wrong.
He's never aggressive with the kids so I'm not worried about them going with him. Of course they shouldnt have to see him being aggressive to me. I need to meet him in a public place from now on.

OP posts:
kittenpuppy · 28/07/2013 11:09

soulssister the police did say they would be in touch with ss. But they also arranged the time for him to pick the kids up so they didnt seem worried about them going with him.

OP posts:
thepixiefrog · 28/07/2013 11:14

The sick feeling is probably just the fear of doing something very new (calling the police) which is totally out of your comfort zone. Don't interpret it as guilt, you know you've done nothing wrong.

LittlePeaPod · 28/07/2013 11:31

Op you definetly did the right thing. I agree new contact arrangements in a public area or with someone else present are the right thing to do.

SanityClause · 28/07/2013 11:49

You absolutely did the right thing.

And you gave your DC a very strong message that its not okay for him to treat you like that!

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