Regarding family members after a break-up

[Sarajen]

Hi, after yet another row, it looks like my dh and I have reached the end of the road. He-drunkenly- called his mother and slagged me off to her on friday saying I was a bitch and we were splitting up. She was out so it went to her ansa machine.

I've had enough of this marriage-there's a tiny sliver that it may be salvageable but I hold little hope.

Anyway, come yesterday, he wants us to make a go of things; I'm still reeling and don't really know what I want.

His mother has called twice since-went to ansa machine. I told him she called and he couldn't be bothered to contact her. This ***ing typical, by the way, he has little understanding of the effects of his actions.

She called again this morning, so I picked up (thinking it was somebody else. No offence. But I don't really want to speak to her right now)

Naturally, she wants to know what is happening. She KNOWS-because he said to her while pissed- that we are breaking up, or at least considering it.

I pretended that I didn't know he had called her but as she already knows the score, I said the following:

1, I didn't know what was happening at the moment

2, I did NOT go into any details (I felt like it as I hate him at the moment, the bastard) but said non-commital stuff like '6 of one half dozen other, both to blame etc)

3, I was polite and said I'd promise to tell him she called.

Did I do right? My head's all over the place.

You did absolutely the right thing. I can understand that she is worried after the message your husband left but, he is the one who needs to talk to her. I think you hit the nail on the head with your h not understanding the impact of his actions.

Right now, the only person you need to be concerned about is you (and any children if you have them). Good luck.

I think you're doing the right think too. Yes, she's concerned about what is happening (who wouldn't be?) but that doesn't mean you need to give her a blow-by-blow account from your pov. Nor can you exercise editorial control over what H says to his family.

So I think sticking to your line of acknowledging there is a major issue, stating you don't know what it will lead to, and refusing to be drawn into detail is exactly right.

And I wish you well in sorting out what you really want in your future, and hope you can find the time and space to think about all the angles as you come to your decision.

Thanks people. This is what mn is good for; reassurance when you can't ask family and friends. Thanks all.