Why did I let it get so bad? And how not to make the same mistake?

[GiveItYourBestShot]

I went to the dentist today (random start but please bear with me!) - first time for 4 years. I paid a lot for adult orthodontics after having my teeth badly done as a teenager. They pulled up my record and there was a massive string of missed follow-up appointments, 2 a year, because the end of the treatment coincided with me getting together with Ex who turned out to be controlling and EA. I didn't go because my ex hated me being in London ( where dentist is) and I didn't give them my new address so all the appointment letters went astray (as have my teeth, rendeing the whole thing rather pointless).

I'm so embarrassed about the missed appointments. I don't even understand now why I felt I couldn't just say, I have the dentist today, I will see you later.

And I'm scared I will sleepwalk into another EA relationship. How do I protect myself?

You are not alone. Very strange. Self esteem?

Do the freedom programme.

Read the Lundy Bancroft book 'Why Does He Do That?'

Have some counselling.

And, if you start seeing someone, try early on disagreeing. Try not going along with an arrangement. Watch the reaction. If it's ok try again regularly to check if any real colours are emerging. Look out for red flags and keep it mind for a good long while (2+ years?) that you might have to end the relationship.

Also work on your own confidence and know it's ok to say no thanks, ie to end a relationship just because you want to.

:) thanks, both. Good advice.

Don't worry about the missed appointments lovely, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes life just gets in the way.

There's a follow up course after the freedom programme called the recovery toolkit... It's incredible and I feel so empowered about not waltzing into another DA relationship. It helps you identify the flags without having to cause disagreements. The red flags usually appear very soon but most importantly is the strength not to accept or explain away the behaviour. It's either acceptable or not.

Good luck op xx

Thankyou! I will look for that toolkit, it sounds really valuable.