separation probably needed but not happening

[permafrost]

DH and I together for 15 years or more, we are complete opposites in many respects, but communication has broken down over the years and now we're just like strangers with little mutual respect. We haven't had sex for over 6 months. If we do exchange words when we're alone together it's usually some sort of complaint about each other. It's wearing both of us down and our poor toddler is stuck a bit in the middle

Things seem to be blowing up and today both of us have talked about this being the end now. Really don't know where we go from here though. I don't want to move DC1 out of home, and I don't think DH has any intention of moving out.

So here we all are together in our own special hell.
Anyone else found a way out of something similar?

I think it's got to be better for DC to move out with you in to a new home than staying in such a miserable tense atmosphere. Your DC won't be happy until you are and they can still see their dad and have that relationship.

Start making some proper plans to go. If your DH won't move out does he have the money to buy you out of your half of the house and any other assets?

you are probably right bunchoffives
he couldn't buy me out, and the house would be way too big for him by himself. I couldn't buy him out either. so I guess we need to sell it, but it's in a good school catchment area so shouldn't we try to hold on until DC gets a place? That'd be less than a year.

ftr, I am already in counselling, DH would rather die than go

Well that's got to be your decision. I think it can take time to come round emotionally to moving out even when you know intellectually that there's no other choice really.

But my advice would be not to leave it too long once you've made up your mind. Staying in the same house once the relationship has deteriorated can really drag you down and erode your self confidence and make you very miserable. That only makes it harder to feel like you've got it in you to go and live independently. BUT it's all a lot harder to think about than actually do. It was the best thing I ever did