How long does it take to start feeling better?

[BabiesAreLikeBuses]

He left 8 months ago, moved away, left me house and 2 kids. It was a shock as i had no idea - he had said he was depressed but it was winter and that was nothing new. He said he felt broken and i was the root cause, never had enough time for him etc...
First days were obviously a blur. I have held it together for dc and supported contact. He has maintained monthly payments, weekly visits and called the kids most days.
In the last month he has pushed for quick divorce and settlement of our joint debts (no assets) so he can mentally stabilise etc....
We rarely talk at all any more, i have had counselling and good friends around, now i see that when he doesn't get his own way he chucks his toys out of the pram and adopts a bullying tone. Tonight i am 'a piece of work' for not telling him i have spoken to an IFA.
So just that really, when will i start feeling better? I imagined that getting financially clear of him and ending the marriage would be painful but then i'd feel better but now i'm not sure. The house is in joint names and i clearly can't trust him at all.

It's not long since you split up and he's being a total arse on purpose so of course it'll be horrible for a while. Have you got a good solicitor because I'd strongly recommend you drop contact with him now so that you don't have to listen to his insulting/abusive rubbish any more? The less you have to deal with him the quicker you can consign him to the past.

I think you're dead right to say you can't trust this one because I think he's lying through his teeth about the whole thing. Sound like 'broken', 'no time' and 'depressed' have been a smoke-screen for 'OW'. Why would he push for a quick divorce otherwise?

Maybe... But i know he's still depressed, i 'accidentally' caught sight of meds in his bag and there was an anti-d and anti-anxiety, there's family history of mental illness and he has piled weight on... Seems to be barely functioning can't imagine how he'd cope with anyone else but you never know. I am trying to not speak to him and if it wasn't for the money stuff this week would have gone for several weeks without. Every time we speak i need the rest of the evening to recover, when we don't speak i'm fine. I'm just sick of feeling like this... And frightened by the look of solicitor's fees...

You need a solicitor, though, to set up boundaries for contact and how he communicates with you, and to ensure that you get a fair deal. He cannot bully your solicitor. At the moment, you are getting no space to get over this, he is round every week and on the phone most nights. Plus, he is laying all the blame at your door, which is completely unfair.

I also would not rule out OW, the 'never enough time for him' line sounds like self-justification.

Thanks both. You have reinforced what i was beginning to think. Am seeing much more clearly than i was a month ago. I know ow can't be ruled out... Or in based on current evidence...

Any idea how much an initial consultation with a solicitor will cost?

Depends on the solicitor, depending where you are you should check Resolution website or in Scotland, Family Law Society, I think it is, for recommendations. Some offer free initial half hour, though I did not find one so don't bank on it. But the fees should be clear - the one I ended up using charged me £50 for the first half hour, full rate after that. She was the second solicitor I saw as did not like the first one.

Cost is a massive concern, but I have found it absolutely worth the money so far. I would not have got this far without good legal advice and a solicitor who literally was the boundary while I got myself together, and told me the options and her recommendation when I could not think straight.

All the best with it. Do not be railroaded.