So unsure on what to do

[skiesmylimit]

I have only been married a year, but been together for 5 years.

Have a 4 year old and a 14 month old.

I'm so unhappy, have been for ages. Iv tried and tried. He just doesn't seem to care, unless wev 'broke up'. We had a break for a few days a couple of weeks ago, begged for me back. He got poorly because he couldn't eat or sleep. So I got sucked back in. But I am so fed up of living unhappy.

Reasons I'm with him:
Married
For the children
(This will sound sad but) I have a life long dream of being a nurse, if I break up with him then I would have to give up my career. I'm working towards it now through work but not started UNI yet. I would have no one to have kids, would have to leave work due to that fact. Meaning good bye experience and nvq that is getting me to UNI.

Do I just put up with it, keep working at us which I've tried so manyany times to do, or give up?

You've not actualy said what is making you unhappy?

So does he mind the children all the time? How old are they?

If you Google "Entitled to" you can see what you are entitled to if you live without him. Don't give up your dream, but don't think you have to put up with unhappiness either.

I have just completed my degree (4 years of study) as a lone parent. It can be done, it's just about organisation and pre-planning. Don't stay with someone if you're unhappy, no matter what the cost

He talks to me very badly

There's no romance/affection/gratitude or respect

He is always in a bad mood to me, the dog and the kids

Doesn't really help much round the house, I don't expect him to do all of it, or even half as he works more but just a little bit such as putting his socks in the wash pile instead of throwing on floor, I have to walk round bedroom picking up his dirty clothes so I can do laundry.

I have to ask him to so anything which he then shouts at me saying I'm nagging him and telling him what to so, but if I don't he won't do it, therefore I have to do it.

Won't cook dinners, when he rarely does for example yesterday kids had chips, beans and pizza fingers. Ok there's nothin really wrong with that as I have done 'proper' meals all week, but what gets me is 1) he didn't so me anything to eat ( I always do him something 2) why can he never cook anything remotely healthy/proper. It's always the same kind of thing.

I feel so unappreciated its unreal. We don't laugh/joke around

No he doesn't mind the children all the time, maybe when I'm at work but that's not that much, but when he does he doesn't take kids out,do activities with them.

Their 4 and 14 m

Am I just expecting to much?

Of course you're not expecting too much. Everyone has stresses and strains in life but it is unacceptable to subject the people they're supposed to love most - their immediate family - to bad moods, shouting, and making them feel ignored or unappreciated. It should be a basic given in a marriage that everyone is treated equally, affectionately and with respect and that everyone pulls their weight and contributes to the running of the household

Making supper for everyone but you sounds positively insulting

Stop picking up his dirty laundry for starters.

He'll soon be jolted into reality when he finds he has no clean clothes/socks left.

If that's expecting too much then what world is he living in, no you are not, he sounds selfish, mean, uncaring, do you really want to be with him? He has to change if you are going to be happy, it should be equal, a two way street where both of you make an effort, not just you, otherwise, you don't have a marriage and if it's like that after one year.....what hope is there, you need a serious talk with him if you want changes.

Am I just expecting to much?

No you're expecting for too little.

Just because he works does not mean he does nothing at home.

First thing you have to do is sit him down & tell him needs to man up: he has to pull his weight round the house, which means accepting that he's an adult and takes responsibility for a % of the chores, which you figure out on paper, so you both have clearly defined tasks each.

Household duties are not something he does because you ask him to, he does them because he's a husband & father.

The whole 'asking' men to do chores simply does not work & leaves wives open to being accused of 'nagging' as you are.

Secondly, he has to give his children decent food, not lazy processed crap.

This is not about him agreeing to help a bit more round the house, it's about him changing fundamentally the way he sees home-life.

All the dirty washing that he throws on the floor goes in a bag & is left unwashed. If he hasn't washed it within a week it goes in the bin.