I think I'm leaving him. What rights do I have?

[Namechanger3000]

I am sitting here after the 1000th violent row with my husband and I have decided no more. My DS is only 4 weeks old and I don't want him growing u around this. He is selfish and emotionally abusive. Whilst he will look after DS, he has refused to do Any night feeds at all, has to done any housework at all whilst on pat leave and I have worked muse,f into the ground whilst he watches on, telling me to suck it up, 'all I care about is sleep'... Tonight when I was upset that he woke me up at 11.30 to finish feeding the baby so he could lift his weights, he called me selfish And a bad mother for not wanting to take my child. He then proceeded to call me a fat cunt.

I am on mat leave. My income will soon be almost nill. I can't contribute to the mortgage until I return to work, however when I do return, I earn considerably more than him and our of the two of us, I would be the one who could afford t keep the house alone whilst he would really struggle.

I have told him that for now, we may live together but we are no longer together. I am now sleeping on the sofa as he refused to get out of the bed. He has told me I have t leave the house. He wants me to leave the baby which obviously won't happen.

There is also an 8 year old here, my step daughter who lives here full time. To All intents and purposes I am her mother, but I have no rights.

What the fuck am I going to do? What are my rights with regards to the house? I am so devastated. Our relationship used to be so good but honestly I think he is mentally unbalanced and Since the babyh have seen him for the selfish, abusive prick he is and I don't want my son to think this is normal.

In all honesty I think right now you should go and get back into YOUR bed and get some sleep! Revisit this post tomorrow hopefully he'll be off to work in the morning?

I can't go back into the bed, the argument will just continue. I have been here before I just haven't been brave enough to follow through

P.s I realise my post may seem like the behaviour is trivial but it is the tipmofna massive iceberg of abuse and disrespect

It doesn't sound trivial. Could tax credits help while you're on mat leave?

can you wait until dh is snoring?
He does sound like he is being a twunt. But with a 4 WK old baby its not the best time to be making any major decisions. Just looking after Ds and yourself is hard enough. And trying to get some sleeeep!
I split with dp when dd2 was 4 months, we got back together after 16 months. Now dd3 is 5 months, and its like de ja vu! I'm concentrating on DC and myself right now and have decided I will re-asses in a few months. Its very hard to make the break with such a young child in tow, as emotionally/hormonally your still all over the place and it can make you question your motives/decisions later.

It's not trivial at all Namechanger.....abuse never is.

You said the row was violent. If you are at risk, or have been assaulted, call police.

For a practical starting point regarding separation, this blog is helpful:
surviveseparation.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/separation-and-divorce-advice-and-links.html

Hope you are OK, Namechanger. You sound very together. There will be more support along soon, in the meantime take care

You don't have to make major decisions right now, but you can find stuff out, things like do you have your own bank account or just a joint account? Whose name is the house in? There's a whole load of other stuff. But sleep is your main priority just now.

Talk to women's aid or the cab about your financial entitlements while on ML.

You need to put your and your DCs' personal safety top priority as a first measure. His behaviour is not trivial. Womens Aid are very good at giving advice to women in abusive relationships. If things are escalating, you might feel it is wise to call the police and either have him removed or remove yourself and the DCs to a refuge.

Second, I think you need to get RL support from friends or family that you can trust. Confide in someone about what has been going on because you will need people around you.

Third, I'd say get some legal advice either from a solicitor (some offer free initial consultations) or CAB or both. They can walk you through your rights and responsibilities. CAB can probably also help you navigate the benefits system if you think your income will fall short at all.

If there are violent rows then then assuming he is the violent one call the police and have him removed. Then get to a solicitor and start the ball rolling to have him permanently removed.

If you are the violent one - get help.