I sometimes get excited at the thought if life without dp

[Cardiomardio]

We get on well most of the time, we share common interests and I still fancy the arse off him. More importantly, I love him. Why then do I sometimes feel excitement at the thought of a future without him? The thought of having my own money, control, house, even meeting a man without the draining emotional baggage that dp brings with him. I feel guilty for thinking it but he makes everything such hard work. Anyone else ever feel like this? Even if just for a split second?

Have you been with him a while? Were you young when you got together? Did you have much of a 'free life' before him?

Why can't you have your own money or control?

Yes I did and I left and it was so worth it.

Are you sure it's him, or just that you miss a younger, more carefree time of your life?

Be careful! Ideas and daydreams are fine, but the reality of evenings alone with the TV and a meal for one is no fun. Believe me, I've been there and its not nice!

Perhaps you need to make it that you are doing a few things that are your dreams.
It could be that it's nothing to do with him and you've just fallen into a bit of a rut.
I am saying that in a constructive not a negative way BTW.

Do you know what it is you dream of doing with your freedom if you had it,and could you do it anyway,is what I'm saying.

Yep but my relationship was far far worse than yours sounds.

I used to drive down the road and look at the 'for sale' or 'to let' boards, it was my favourite fantasy, decorating and furnishing to my own taste.

I have now got what I wanted and, well, honestly, it isnt quite what I hoped for, but then it took years to get here! Things are much much better, but I wish I could have done this 3 years ago.

friendlyanimal it is a hundred times better. I dont walk on eggshells, I can do as I please, watch whatever I want on the t.v., read whatever books/magazines I want to, talk to whoever I want to, buy what I want. I would much rather be alone than be with a very subtle and cruel abuser!

I'd explore 'money, control and house'. Sounds like you're not in charge of your own life but over-reliant on a DP that is 'hard work'. If so, your discontent or resentment could be not solely because of his 'draining emotional baggage', but also because you need more of a challenge, more responsibility and a sense of purpose. How much of your life at the moment do you spend doing things that excite and interest you specifically and how much of it is spent doing things for him or others? What's stopping you having your own money? Why do you not feel in control?

I'm with a man I love but I still have my own money and control. The 2 aren't mutually exclusive.

I was with a man I couldn't stand (note the was!) and had my own money and control. Of course there were often compromises (holiday choices, home decor...) but I certainly did not always have to defer.
What specifically is going on for you?