You know those days when everything feels crap?

[grumpyinthemorning]

More a need to vent than anything else, but any advice greatly appreciated...

I'm sick of running on everyone else's timetable. Sick of struggling to find some time to myself when DP can just swan about as he pleases. Sick of having to change my plans because of other people. I had a night out arranged for this week, but that twit decided to go for dinner with his parents, and can't take DS because they'd be back late. I'm sick of it always being me that comprises.

I'm sick of being broke when we're not really broke. I'm sick of his attitude to money, sick of the yours-and-mine mentality. We're a family, we're supposed to share these things. I'm sick of him spending money on himself and getting mad when I do the same. I'm sick of the fact that we're paying off his debts that I had no part in creating.

I apologise for the rant, but if I didn't get it out of my system I'd explode.

Compromises, even. Oops

Geez he doesn't sound great...

His good points are?

His dorky sense of humour, how good he is with DS (when he's at home), the interesting conversation - all the things I fell in love with him for. And the sex is pretty great too. But it's hard to focus on those things when he's driving me up the wall!

Rant away!! I'm afraid I don't really have much advice. I had the same problem with my exh (one of the many many many many reasons why he's an ex). Can you talk to him? Tell him how you feel. Is it possible for you to have some money each to spend each month on yourselves I don't believe that having everything jointly always works for all couples. Hope you work it out.

Viking, he has a tendency to talk over me when I try, and discounts things he sees as irrelevant (it's relevant to me!). Or he says we'll sort something out then makes no effort to do so

I can relate to you very much!
I had this mental rant a few weeks ago ie.He wants to go out aaaalll weekend and me to sit at home at a days notice.It can be boring enough sitting at home when im not working so i decided NO i never get a minutrs peace,i do everything(literally)in the house and its always you going out,never me and you and you just presume and make plans.So i said yeah go out but cant you come home even if its late and reminded him hey this is your child too im not the babysitter and you have a family youre not 18.Its annoying how they just say oooh yeah ill come out erm co parenting anyone?
And if you solve the money one let me know cos ive tried all sorts.

No apologies for using the oldest comment in the MN relationship book (other than LTB ) - relationships are about treating each other as equals. It's that simple (to my simple mind, anyway).

So maybe one of you puts yourself first occasionally (and the other does too sometimes), maybe sometimes you argue about stuff like money. That's fine as long as you act as equals. But not when one person takes all the cheese and just leaves you with the crackers. When you get to later stages in life, DCs grown up etc, it'll feel like a totally bum deal. Better to put your foot down now, than use it to kick yourself up the backside in twenty years.

"But not when one person takes all the cheese and just leaves you with the crackers... Better to put your foot down now, than use it to kick yourself up the backside in twenty years."

Pure gold!

He's taking the piss. So he's funny and can play with kids.... you could hire a clown for that. This is about him behaving selfishly, thoughtlessly, operating double standards, being unreasonable, not respecting you as a person and not regarding you as an equal. He's a one man band, not a team player and certainly not part of a family. Right now you simply don't matter and you can't afford to continue to let that happen.

Make a stand, demand some respect & threaten some dire consequences if it doesn't happen.