I've name changed as I don't want to out myself. I've been quite a regular on the relationship board for a few years. I've just managed to finally free myself from a 10 year relationship with a very very selfish partner. I've struggled to accept that our relationship was EA, but I've been assured that it was- both here on mumsnet and by RL friends. EXP left about 9 weeks ago.
We have a wonderful 6yo DS, who has coped unbelievably well with the split (at least he appears to). He seems his normal self, and has enjoyed spending a day each week with his Dad.
It hasn't been easy to stick by my guns. EXP did a pretty major about turn a few weeks ago and finally after years of me trying to make him understand, he seems to accept he's been a bad partner and wants me to give him the chance to change. My gut feel is that he's sadly incapable of changing, he's had many chances.
At a friends BBQ about 5 weeks ago I got chatting to a man who is the cousin of a good friend. I've known him for about 7 years. I have always got on very well with him, he's kind, fun, a great listener, in fact a very very lovely man. We chatted, he listened to me talk about EXP, talked about work, mutual interests (of which there are many).
After this we struck up a bit of a texting thing, and he called me a few times. All very friendly, nothing flirty (but I was hoping). Eventually he asked me if I thought it would ever be appropriate to ask me out. I said I thought it would...
So a few weeks ago we went out to dinner. I was horrendously nervous but had a lovely time. It felt amazing to be listened to, treated nicely, to laugh together. Since then we've had dinner a few times, he came over to watch a film when DS wasn't here, we've been for a few walks. We have slept together twice, he didn't push it, I wanted to and it felt good. We have so much in common, he likes me, doesn't judge me, we can just talk or be silent and it feels lovely.
I know it is very very soon. I know I should be grieving for EXP, getting used to being single, finding myself etc.. I didn't go looking for this, but it seems to good to pass by. I'm trying very very hard to remain grounded and not get carried away but in the back if my mind there is a tiny chink of hope that I've met a good man who really likes me.
A friend (whose opinion I value),has today given me quite a hard time about this. She said it was far too soon, I should be concentrating on myself, on getting strong again, not being with another man. I wanted to tell her about him, but she wasn't prepared to listen and clearly thinks I'm being foolish. I've a tendancy to over think things, but I'm worried that the reason her comments have wobbled me is that I'm worried she's right.
Three other friends who know about this (and who know new man, unlike other friend) are happy for me. They and I know it's important not to rush, but they have been very supportive.
I'm sorry for the horrendously long post. Please wise ladies, give me your advice- gently if possible, I need perspectives.......