how can i encourage my dh to talk?

[jomana]

hello
ive been married now for a year and 2 months. my dh doesnt like to talk about any thing that he is thinking of or bothering him.i try to encourage him to till me but he only gives me headlines.
its not like he has secrets.he doesnt tell me if a friend called to invite us,he says hes thinking of not going anyway. he doesnt tell me if he have an appointment with the bank,he says (i dont want to bother you) im just a person who likes to know every thing .
any thoughts?

hmmm. if it were me, i would think that i had a right to know if someone invited us as a couple; i.e., my dp knows that he doesn't have the right to make my decisions for me. maybe you like to know some things because it helps you feel as though you are a part of each other - even if you are married, there should still be some "me" time but i would've thought that it wasn't to that extent. it seems that he's not letting you in. i'm waffling a bit sorry!

Sounds like he's operating on a 'need to know' basis IYSWIM ! Perhaps clarifying that you have a need to know about these small matters and that they mean a great deal to you when he involves you in stuff might help ?

hub2dee, i'm not being nasty or anything but am interested to see what, from a male perspective, you would say if dee were saying things like that to you? wouldn't you feel left out, or that it was a control issue?

(btw - when I said 'small' things, I didn't mean this was unimportant, hope YKWIM)...

Erm... well, I'm reasonably crap at passing on messages, but I wouldn't be the 'filter' to an invite from our friends IYSWIM. (Perhaps he dislikes them ???).

Re: would I feel left out / is this a control issue ? Yeah, I'd probably feel somewhat left out, but I actually don't mind her filtering our social life as I just don't enjoy scheduling stuff and am not on top of the diary / social events situation IYSWIM. If it was things like banking though, yeah I guess I'd like to be in the loop. WRT control, I guess this needs to be examined in the broader context of the relationship. I can't say without further info / examples.

DW, (maybe like most women ?) enjoys talking / sharing info etc. whereas most men are often slightly less inclined . Maybe if the OP wants to elaborate on the situation I could offer more insight, but not really sure what else to say...

today we had arealy huge fight,i got so mad and hesteric about it.
sometimes i feel that my marriage life depends on these untold little things.
i understand that it`s a part of his his personality not to share-but to share is a part of mine!!

oh babe i'm sorry x (((((hugs)))))
i had fight with dp yesterday (must be something in the air) about lack of courtesy and respect, i understand what you mean about parts of personality - i don't think that men sometimes understand how some things can be important but not others; for instance, the money issues - how can you budget as a family/unit if you don't share money more. how can i put it better? how can you budget for the family / unit if both of you don't have any ideas about how much is going out of all accounts each week/month? it's only with give and take from both parties in the marriage that a marriage can work effectively, if one is continually giving more overall than the other who seems to be taking all the time, then the giver is going to feel more and more resentful as time passes.

i'm sorry if i'm waffling, hth x