Nurturing myself back after narcissistic parents

[Lucylonglegs]

Hi, I've posted before, been nc for 4 years, recently exchanged some emails to try to resume limited contact, but have just been let down again, I'm feeling very low and tearful atm. It wasn't outright rejection, it was just making me wait one to two weeks to reply, and then not committing, but the underlying message was we're so busy and popular you're not important to us. I didn't make the first contact they did.

How can I nurture myself back? Does anyone know the type of exercises, behaviour or anything that helps me focus on me. I can see them for what they are and I don't consciously blame myself for the rejection, I guess its like grieving. I also have some underlying anger that I opened myself up to being rejected again, but I'm hoping this will pass as I know I behaved with dignity and my intentions were to do the right thing.

(Attila - if you're reading you said this would happen on my last thread - I should have listened to you )

I would go on amazon and read the reviews of the many books on this topic, to pick one with good exercises.

Beverley Engels book on "Healing Your Emotional Self" is one that springs to mind, and looking up that will bring up lots of similar books.

Maybe continue the NC? This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

Hi Lucy,

So sorry to read this from you. You did what you thought was best at the time so do not blame yourself.

If you have not already read this I would suggest you read "Children of the Self Absorbed" written by Nina W Brown. Another is "Will I ever be good enough?" written by Karyl McBride.

I would also look at the "daughters of narcissistic mothers" website as this may also assist you.

Be kind to yourself.

You'll find the solution or combination of methods that works best for you: try different things out.

I'm using a combination of occasional therapy sessions, journaling, a self-esteem workbook, and CBT exercises. And random little things like visualising myself comforting a wailing child (me), when I detect inner wailing going off.

You might also try affirmations, meditation, .... whatever you might be drawn to and see as a good fit for your needs and personality.

Hi Lucy
You could be me! I have a very similar situation with my parents. I'm seeing them this weekend and have had to come home early from work today because I'm feeling so emotional and anxious about it.

Things that are making a huge difference for me:

• weekly psychotherapy with a great therapist (has been 3 years now)
• giving myself permission to feel all the bad stuff (anger, sadness, rejection) and reminding myself that those feelings are there for a reason
• specifically allowing myself to feel angry. It's an emotion I was never allowed to have growing up and it's taken me years to acknowledge that I have it. Tons of it!
• trying very hard to ask other people for help. Sharing my feelings with other people I know I can trust (DP, friends). Very difficult, but it helps to share how I'm feeling with someone I know I can trust
• eating healthily, keeping the booze down to a minimum, exercising, sleeping as much as possible, drinking lots of water

And reading similar threads on here. There are loads of us on here who have been through similar and it helps so much to not feel alone. Keep posting OP and good luck