Man could do with some female advice

[mrfrancis82]

Hello ladies, how are we on this fine morning?

I wouldn't go as far as to call this a dilemma, but it's a situation that I don't quite understand, so I'm hoping you guys can maybe help me out a bit.

So I met a girl who was working behind a bar a few months ago. She was looking for a job in her preferred industry and I know some recruiters, so I took her number. She's also French, so I helped her out with her CV and managed to find her a job.

We stay in touch and agree to a date on a Friday night, where we went to a comedy club and then a karaoke bar for a dance. She was quite open and told me half way through that I seemed really nervous at first - which I certainly was. She's 3 years older than me and absolutely stunning, so I was a bit shaky. The night goes well and we kiss at the end of the night. I send her a text to say thanks for the night, speak soon etc.

I get a text a few days later to say she only wants to be friends because of different personalities, but hopes we can still do things together, to which I'm fine about. I'd only met her once and just gave her a kiss as I thought she wanted me to. So we agree to be friends and stay in touch through texts and Facebook.

Fast forward to last week, I get about 5 facebook messages asking to meet up, and even suggesting that she comes to mine and cooks dinner. I think it's a bit strange but met her on Sunday for a drink. It was also strange, as she was acting quite coupley with me, flirting and even holding my hand. She then asked me back to hers, to which I declined as I was tired and had work on Monday.

I suppose the advice I'm looking for is what should I think of the situation? I admit that I'm shy, so my personality is very different the first time I meet someone than it is the second, so maybe that's it?

I quite like her but from when she said she only wanted to be friends, I never expected it to go anywhere. My mates are telling me to keep my distance as she's trying to mess with my head, which I'm inclined to agree.

What do you guys think?

I'm with Cogito. I think she didn't fall for you instantly, but on reflecting on it, decided she liked you a lot. It could be that your shyness (which she remarked upon) initially put her off, and she didn't understand it and took a while to work it out. Plenty of women say they want to be friends initially, because they don't want to give the impression they want a ONS.

I would say, as I'm not British, that a lot of British men do seem to expect women to chase after them, and women from other countries, if they are nice ones, with options, will not do this. I think she probably had to make a real effort to be flirty with you, because you were not acting in the way she is used to men doing, and I would expect she is actually quite devastated that you rejected her when she asked you back to yours.

I wanted to give this as much as a go as possible because of how good looking she is

But its no good thinking it and not doing it. How is she to know this? It sounds like, after the first date, she has been doing all the running after you, and you turned her down. Good looking women don't find it hard to get dates, they won't keep chasing men who turn them down.

This happened to someone I knew, she only wanted to be friends originally, he said ok.

His view was because he showed a level of disinterest, she then decided he was the one for her. As soon as they got together she started blowing hot and cold about the relationship. He finished it, as it was causing him concerns, and now she's desperate to rekindle things.

Just be careful, there are odd people of both sexes about that enjoy playing with peoples emotions.

I think she sounds like shes looking for comfort.She might like you but not want a relationship for her own reason or she might just find some things about you attractive.It doesnt mean shes a player or bad person she might just need some closeness and connection with someone x

Some women ( and men too) who are very good looking, know it. They hate to be ignored, and trade on their looks to get them what they want. It could be that this woman was peeved you didn't chase her and took her at her word to be just a friend. Now she needs an ego boost. If she was kind she would tell you she had been premature in thinking you could just be a friend. But I think it's more likely she is bored or is stringing you along, as she can't take any kind of rejection and your reaction to her seemed like a rejection. If you want to see her do it on your terms and play it cool.

I think you are holding her to a different standard to the one you hold yourself too.

If you are only interested in her for the way she looks why does it matter about her blowing hot and cold? You're not particularly interested in her and she can therefore afford to not be particularly interested in you too. It is a little creepy to demand such a level of commitment from someone you want for their looks.

You'd be much better to simply take each meeting with her as it's own self-contained experience or stay away altogether I would say.

I doubt she is "trying to mess" with your head, probably just in a foreign country and gravitating towards familiar and dependable people every once in a while.

I think your problem is not what she might want but what you do. You come across as confused and passive. What do you honestly want with her? That should be your starting point.