Hi,
This is my first real post so I apologise for length in advance. I have to be careful how much detail I give as I dont was to be identified in RL.
For years now there has been an ongoing problem with my eldest sibling. They divorced and moved 'home' to live with our parents and at this time resentment began as he was inconsiderate , untidy, not working or contributing to the household in any way. The sibling has not been working for many years due to an industrial injury and been in reciept of DLA whilst living with parents who were elderly. The sibling is self obssessed with his various illnesses and no conversation can be had without him cutting over it and telling a story about himself from 10 years ago which bears no relevance.
After 18 months of strained relations he received a large payout for his industrial injury and purchased his own home. A collective sigh of relief initially. My poor Mum had become so stressed with his presence and the ongoing issues of his behaviour she had become depressed and at times had thought about leaving her home and my Dad who had supported him over her. We couldnt have a family meal without him being present so if we invited parents he had to come to as he had noone according to my dad. It of course got to the point we didnt have any anymore.
His behaviour continued over the next few years with tolerance for his self indulgence being worn away. He was admitted to hospital several times and in my opinion engineered his admittance on more than one occassion. He took prescribed strong pain relief which I believe he was addicted to and this exacerbated his personality and underlying medical issues so conversations became completely random and focussed on historic events from his life. However because we wanted a relationship with my parents we tolerated it.
My Mum became ill and died recently. Through her illness this sibling was lazy and mainly in a drugged up state. I would come in from work to find the house in a filthy state and him sat on his bum watching telly. Despite being told in no uncertain terms many times by different people to get his act together he never did and often blamed his memory problem for lack of recall re conversations. He made a difficult time horrendous. We tried everything to get him to pull his weight. All the while we were caring for her he was busy presenting himself to others as the 'rock' upon which they depended which is utter crap.
Since she died he has a new lease of life and is on top of the world. He has my Dads undivided attention. He has racked up debts on credit cards more than once over the years which has been cleared by my dad repeatedly. Now he has moved himself back in despite having his own home. My Dad refuses to acknowledge this issues with him. I tried to go NC before and it resulted in my Dad not speaking to me for a week.
I could quite literally go on and cite examples of truelly disgusting behaviour but cant as its too identifying so please believe me when I say he has sunk to depths of theft, lies and manipulation. The thought of being around him has be shaking with anxiety and fear. All I want to do is grieve for my Mum and everything is being taken over by him.
How can I go NC with him without losing my Dad who is unconditionally supportive.