Oh bugger. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends.

[LucyWildelovesGru]

I've known him for years though we've definitely spent a lot more time together recently. He's kind and funny and smart. We get on incredibly well, we spend loads of time together and we never run out of things to say. We've got loads in common, and lots of mutual friends - he's perfect. I even like his parents.

And now I think I've fallen for him. We went to a wedding two weekends where neither of us knew many other people - as a result, we spent most of the time together and had a lovely time. And when I got home, I realised I don't want to just be friends any more, and I keep thinking about him and how much fun we had.

I can't believe I've gone and done this - he's so much a part of my life, and now I've got to either tell him how I feel and ruin the friendship if it's not reciprocated, or do nothing and try and get over it. Or, I suppose, hang around in the hope that he feels the same way. But I don't have any real evidence that he does.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this - I've even been googling "ways to tell if he fancies you" which is absurd given my age and the fact that all the articles say things like "try and sit next to him in class and see what happens". But I've never been in this situation before - got married at 25 to the boy I'd been going out with since school, and haven't dared go on a date since we split up two years ago.

I know he isn't dating anyone else, and that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his girlfriend died about five years ago. But that doesn't mean he's interested in me, of course.

Please, tell me to get a grip and get on with my life. Or to get a grip and tell him how I feel. Or give me a list of "ten ways to tell if a forty something bloke who's unfailingly polite and interested in everyone he encounters likes you more than he likes other people" so I can work out whether he likes me back.

[TheYoniWayIsUp]

Marking place for updates! Good luck Lucy!

[FrogmellaMoonbeam]

Just read the thread through from start to finish, can't believe I'm going to have to wait for an update [grin. I really hope it all works out for you, I'm another one living vicariously through you and your life xXx

[vitaminC]

Ooooh. It all sounds very promising!

I think I wrote an almost identical post in April last year. 12 months later we were married and neither of us has ever been happier

I told him by e-mail in the end. It actually took two mails because I wasn't direct enough at first.

Good luck! Can't wait for your updates...

[LucyWildelovesGru]

Thanks every

[skyeskyeskye]

shamelessly marking place now

[LucyWildelovesGru]

Whoops...thanks everyone! I really hope I don't let you all down - whether because he's not actually interested or I don't have the courage to say anything.

vitaminC, you've got to give details!! What did you say in the email? I can't imagine what I'd say in an email that wouldn't sound awkward and really crass (and I write professionally, which doesn't say much for my abilities!). Plus if (when) he says no, I'd like to be able to have an honest conversation about our friendship in the future which would be harder by email.

I could live with being friends, but I'd like to have the green light to be friends without having this hanging over me. I wouldn't want to see less of him (maybe at first!) but we'd need to reset the terms of our relationship.

It will be excruciating either way and he will hate it. He's incredibly British, and doesn't do emotions. His girlfriend told me once that she had to lay it out for him as a series of options when they started going out - "if you like me, text me when you get home and suggest another date. If you don't like me, tell me now".

[ricecakesrule]

Please can I request that when he calls to arrange dinner, you choose the closest available day?! Can't bear the suspense!

[vivatregina]

Lucy are you The Plankton who writes for The Times????

[LucyWildelovesGru]

No, sorry to disappoint you! I like to think I am considerably more positive about things than she is (plus I have far fewer dates - she is always meeting men)...

[impatienttobemummy]

Good luck and marking place for update!

[cloudskitchen]

whatever the outcome Lucy we are all rooting for you and will be here to support you. Obviously hoping you get everything you wish for x

[prettywhiteguitar]

Ooh that sounds like he needs a shove doesn't it ? I suggest that you need to make it clear when you arrange the date that it is a 'date' and not just dinner ?

Bold but necessary I think in this guys case

Good luck !!

[DelayedActionMouseMaker]

You need to go for it, and do it soon. What happens if he meets someone else this weekend in a bar or pub whilst you are dithering? This is what happened to me and I often think what might have been had I had more guts and just come out with it. As It was I had to sit on the sidelines and watch him fall for someone else.

Carpe diem

[KoalaFace]

This is very exciting! I know quite a few couples who were mates for ages and then got together. I think it makes for a nice groundwork for a relationship.

I think as long as you don't come on too strong, whatever happens your friendship can stay intact.

Eeek! Good luck!

[cleoowen]

What happened op?

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

I think in these sorts of situations, it is very often the woman who needs to give the guy a huge shove and make it obvious. Hints won't do it. I know a couple of very close make-female friendships where EVERYONE thinks they should be a couple and it just hasn't happened. I can think of one immediately where they are best friends, spend a lot of time together, people who meet them for the first time assume they are a couple and they are so perfect for each other. They were both coupled when they met, one has now been single 6 years the other 3. Nothing has happened.

Now, it may be that there really is nothing there, but most of us are sure there is. But neither want to risk what, for them, is the most important friendship. I think he might have said something before now, but he knows that another of her male friends once asked her out and she went ballistic, said he'd ruined their friendship and never wanted anything to do with him again. So I don't think he would take the risk unless he was 100% certain she definitely felt the same.

Have to say, some of the best and happiest relationships I know have come out of two good friends suddenly realising the perfect person was in front of them. From reading your situation, I feel certain your guy is like the guy I know. As long as he is given a proper green light, I think it's going to work out exactly as you want it to.

[LucyWildelovesGru]

Jessica, that's obviously what I'm hoping. I am really not sure whether or not he is interested, but the more I think about it the more I am convinced that I will never know if I leave things as they are. Neither one of us is capable of flirting, we are both quite private people (apart from my over-sharing with MN!) and we are both fairly risk averse.

We overlapped at a friend's birthday party briefly on Friday night - I had an email from him beforehand saying he was going to be back from his trip and that he would see me then. It was only for half an hour or so, but he had definitely waited for me to arrive before leaving as he apparently asked my friend what time she was expecting me to get there. We had a very detailed chat about my ongoing problems with my car, and then said a friendly goodbye. There were plenty of other people around so it was all very neutral - can't say I picked up any strong signals from him suggesting he was desperate to get me alone and confess his undying love.

So anyway, I have concluded that I can't keep going over and over it in my head, and I just have to come out and ask him otherwise I may either go mad or die waiting for him to say something. So...[drumroll for the benefit of the MN posse] I am going out for a drink with him on Sunday night. Where I will have just enough to drink that my inhibitions are relaxed, and where I will broach the subject in a light but direct way, making it very clear that I don't want to stop being friends. I will obviously now have to devote way to much time and effort into planning the perfect relaxed-but-gorgeous outfit, and what I am going to say, when I really should be working. And then come back and weep and wail to you all when he turns me down...

On the upside, this has made me realise that I am finally ready for a relationship after years of being convinced I wasn't. So if nothing comes of this, I have promised myself that I will get out there and get online and see what happens, once I have got over the disappointment.

[IslaValargeone]

Sunday! Dear lord this will be a long week for us all :o

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

Brilliant plan, Lucy, and so glad to hear that you feel ready and are going to seek a relationship, whether it's with ShyFriendWhoTotallyLikesYou, or someone else.

I'm sure you will look gorgeous.

[hellymelly]

How can we wait until SUNDAY? I can't stand the suspense. My money is on a big fat yes from him!

[ImperialBlether]

Am I the only one who shouted, "Sunday?"

[IslaValargeone]

No