How do you know if you made right decision?

[catkin14]

Its been 4 months now since i left my H, he was a critical and unkind man, both to me and our 3DC's, but to the outside world he loved his family and was the DF that any child would love. I had the 'perfect life', didnt have to work and was financially secure. But all of life was walking on eggshells incase I did or said something to upset him and then he wouldnt speak to me and would sulk.

It took me a very long time to pluck up the courage to leave him because I knew he would be destroyed and that I would have to live with that.
We are now going through divorce and have spent time talking today about finances and it makes me wonder if I have done the right thing.

Because of the way he was with me and DC's I lost all my love and respect for him and I have to hang on to that.
But there are times if I wonder if i have done the right thing, he seems reasonable now. We were married a very long time and as bizarre as it seems given what I have done I feel that I have lost the person I know best in the world.
Some perspective would be good?

"he seems reasonable now."

He seemed reasonable before.... to everyone except you. You know him best in the world and you know what living with him was really like. It's natural to have some doubts because this is a big decision. But it's also very common for abusive men to exploit any form of contact, exploit the guilt & turn on the charm long enough lure their victim back in. He has not been 'destroyed', his behaviour has been 'rejected'.... and bullies hate to lose. Ironically he is now more dangerous than he ever was before.

So stay strong, get friends and family around you, get a good solicitor and do whatever you can to avoid talking to him directly any more than is necessary. Good luck

What Cogito wrote. Controlling angry men do not let go of their victims easily.

Abusive men try and come across as being "more reasonable" when faced with such a loss of control of their victim. This act of his will not last and he will soon revert to type when he realises that you are actually not going to bend to his will.

(I would be extremely wary too about going into any sort of mediation if it comes to that with regards to the children. These types of men are inherently unreasonable and are not above using the children as weapons to punish their victim for having the gall in his eyes to have left).

Thanks, needed those replies!
It turns out he is trying make me feel guilty over our financial statement n say I will settle for less than him because it was me that did the leaving. Full steam ahead now, no feeling sorry for him anymore!

Once a manipulator, always a manipulator... :) I have a feeling you'll go from strength to strength

BTW... the correct response (through your solicitor, naturally) to a suggestion like that is 'nice try'.