I can't help but feel I don't want my mother in law to see my son.

[elle93]

Hello, I need some help please. I know that this sounds awful but I really do not want my mother in law to see my son. We have always had a up down relationship though now has hit rock bottom. My partner has had a awful upbringing with his mum and stepdad- as he used to abuse my partner, therefore my partner has never seen eye to eye with his mum because she never left her husband. My mother in law is very interfering and overpowering, it's difficult to find the balance. She feels I have stolen her son, and keeps nagging myself and my partner to go out even though we don't want to just yet as my LO is just 8 weeks. She wants to babysit but how do I know her partner won't hurt my son? I know it's stopped but it's still at the bsick of my mind. Luckily my partner understands, but right now I don't want my MIL To see my son,am I a bad person for thinking this? Thank you everyone. :)

You might do better to post this in "Relationships".

(Report yourself to mumsnethq and ask them to move it)

Rephrase the question as "am I a bad mother for wanting to protect my child from people who are known to be abusive" and it kind of answers itself...

And don't worry about posting in the wrong place - welcome to Mumsnet

Oh sorry I'm new to this! Someone recommend it to me :) how do I repost in different area? Thank you :)

Nope, you're being a great mother and using your natural instinct which is to protect your child.

Nip this in the bud now. If you leave it any longer, she'll come down even harder on you, and bully you into it.

Tell them firmly that you don't feel safe allowing a known abuser to be around your baby. And unfortunately you don't trust your MIL to keep your baby away from her husband.

So all visits will be supervised.

She made the decision to put her partner before her child.

You are making the decision to put your child before her and her partner.

Only one of you have made the right decision. And it ain't her.

Hi, elle. Would you like us to move this into the relationships section for you?

MNHQ

Yes please Julie, that would be great thank you :)

@elle93

Yes please Julie, that would be great thank you :)

All done for you.

All the best with this.

MNHQ

Exactly what ewe said. :) it's your job to keep your LO safe, mil chose not to do that.

Be firm, tell mil that you will not be letting her babysit, end of, all. Visits will be supervised. If you just keep repeating that, do not budge, if she gets stroppy tell her if she wants to be involved at all she needs to back off.

Fortunately for yourself your partner does understand so that makes things somewhat easier. Grandparents in the UK also have no automatic right to see their grandchild or grandchildren.

Put your own family unit first; his mother and her man are really of no consequence to you because she chose to remain with a man who abused her son. She put this bloke first.

Sick to your guns; if they are too toxic/difficult for you to deal with then they are certainly too toxic for your defenceless and vulnerable child to have any form of contact with.

I agree with all of the above - however, I think that ideally, your partner would be the best person to tell his mother this if he feels able to do so. He can say 'you know as well as I do what happened with stepfather, my partner and I have discussed this and we're unwilling that you babysit because I am going to protect my son in the way you didn't.'

You can then back this information up in any further conversations. It shouldn't be about you personally 'taking away' anything, your mother in law can whinge all she wants, but she made her choices.

Thank you all so much, you have really helped me, I just needed to listen to outsiders views to just confirm I am doing the right thing, and seeing it from someone else's perspective so thank you all. :)

Agreeing with all the above, the only three people that matter in the world now are you, DP and your baby. Everyone else is only allowed into your life if you want them in it. So protect your DS and make the best decisions you can for him until he's old enough to decide for himself. And if that includes keeping him well away from his nasty grandparents, it's their loss.

BTW ... if 'interfering and overpowering' means you live close to each other, seriously consider moving away.