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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shit. Meeting up with dear friend opened the floodgates

10 replies

YonilyDevotedToYou · 21/07/2013 22:50

Met up with an old friend today who lives abroad , so we only meet up once a year or so. This friend has previously been a shoulder to cry on in my relationship with DP and even helped me move out once when we split up for a while in 2009.

Blimey. Today opened the floodgates. Started ok, saying how happy I am with DP etc but as I got drunker, everything changed. I began crying, talking about how DP made me unhappy, how I wished we had never got together etc.

Feel really confused now on way home about my feelings for DP. Thought I was happy but if all this stuff comes out when I'm drunk, am I really or is it just a front?

OP posts:
kalidanger · 21/07/2013 22:51

How did you describe it to your friend?

Original poster
YonilyDevotedToYou · 21/07/2013 22:55

Well DP can be quite aggressive when we argue- in past was physical but we got over that and now is just verbal stuff but still hurtful. Also feel confused about DP's age- she is 24 years older, we met when I was 24 and sometimes feel that I lost my youth :(

OP posts:
Original poster
YonilyDevotedToYou · 21/07/2013 23:03

We have been together 8 years by the way.

OP posts:
colafrosties · 21/07/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
YonilyDevotedToYou · 21/07/2013 23:09

She was v supportive but basically said all my friends just wanted me to be happy and would support me whatever.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 21/07/2013 23:11

Oh dear, that sounds like a bit of a grim evening. Hope you managed to catch up with your friend and her news too.

Original poster
YonilyDevotedToYou · 21/07/2013 23:13

Yes we did- spent all day together so chatted lots, was just at end I got a bit tearful!

OP posts:
UnrequitedSkink · 21/07/2013 23:18

Do you feel like that now, or do you feel a bit silly? Basically only you know if it was just the drink talking or...in vino veritas??

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/07/2013 07:41

" Thought I was happy but if all this stuff comes out when I'm drunk, am I really or is it just a front?"

What I think has happened is that the past 'physical stuff' has made you behave differently towards her so that you don't get assaulted any more. Having set this precedent, she now keeps you subdued with verbal abuse and the threat of aggression. Your whole life therefore must be preoccupied with trying not to step out of line and that's a very stressful & artificial way to live.... to use your word 'a front' ..... even if you're telling yourself that you are behaving 100% naturally, voluntarily and are happy.

kalidanger · 22/07/2013 07:47

Agree with Cog again & again.

I wouldn't be happy if I used to be physically abused and now I was being verbally abused. It's better but, actually it's not really better at all, just easier to brush off.

I don't think you're being honest with yourself because the truth is horrible Sad

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