What would you do about this friendship?

[icepole]

Friends for 17 years, always did birthdays etc. last year she was in town and I rushed around like mad to ensure I could see her, she didn't meet me. I suddenly realised I had been doing all the work for some time and decided I would wait for her to contact me. She didn't. Apart from the odd Facebook like both ways we haven't spoken, I was heartbroken.

It is her birthday in August. If I ignore it then that is a very clear message. Part of me is tempted to send a message to say sorry for not being on touch to keep lines open but maybe I am better off without this friendship in my life.

Thoughts?

Sounds like your realisation that you were making all the running, was spot on. I presume your birthday is after August? Has she previously marked your birthday with the same care that you mark hers? I think not sending a birthday card if she's made no contact at all, and you've realised the friendship was lopsided, is reasonable - after all, you can wish her a happy birthday on FB, and that may be a good way to re-align the friendship .

PS no apologies! It's her that hasn't been in touch, not you.,,

I've got one of these - sad, isn't it.

No responses to a couple of emails and some calls in the past six months.

Drop her, you'll feel better. I am, already.

When is your birthday? Did she make much effort for you last time? If not I'd be prepared to just let it die a natural death

I would post a birthday card for politeness, but with a straightforward "To friend, happy birthday, love Icepole" no other comments etc or offers to meet up.

Just send her a "happy Birthday xx" on facebook

My birthday is later in the year. Last year I sent her a gift and she sent something to me. She always sends a voucher.

I think our lives are just in very different places now. Which happens. We just have a massive history together and I miss the friendship a lot. She lives far away so meeting up etc isn't on the cards anyway. I just don't feel good about it all.

I had a similar dilemma with a friend recently ? actually it?s happening quite a lot these days. I think that when we start speculating about whether to contact or not, it?s when we realise the friendship has lost its momentum.

I?d send her a brief message either by e-mail, Facebook or by post, and if she doesn?t make the effort to apologise for not being in touch or reply, I?ll stop contact.

It?s heart-breaking to lose friends, but if they don?t want to be in touch any more, you can?t force them. You can only drift apart with a bit of dignity.