Help him out or put my foot down. WWYD?

[estrella79]

About three years ago I met a man through mutual friends - we're not what I'd call close, but when I bump into him every few months or so we get on well and his friends speak highly of him.

When he found out I was doing a Masters in Creative Writing, he asked me whether I would look over his CV for him - he has dyslexia and was struggling to make it sound coherent. I said was happy to help and because I knew how desperate he was to change jobs, I also helped him write a job application.

Since completing my Masters, I've been working as a freelance writer. At the moment I'm copy editing a novel - it's great that for the first time in my life I'm getting paid to do something I love, and getting paid well too.

More recently, this man asked if I would look over an assignment he'd written. I said yes, not realising that it would be 5000 words long with so many grammatical errors in it, it would take me over 4 hours to amend (plus the subject was accountancy, so it was soooo boring!) I found myself thinking: if he were a client, I would bill him £100 for this. I almost said something along those lines but in the end didn't because I know he's struggling financially. He did offer to buy me a pint for my time (that never materialised) which made me realise he had no idea how much my hourly rate is. I didn't want to say because it felt like a boast - he works in a warehouse on minimum wage.

Anyway, this morning I find a Facebook message from him (sent at 4.48am??!) asking whether I would look over a 6000 word autobiographical piece he's written - did I want him to drop it round my house some time today?

I haven't replied to the message yet - I'm not sure how to respond. In truth the last thing I feel like doing is workshopping his bloody piece! The trouble is, I find it very hard to say no - I don't like letting people down. I don't think it's crossed his mind that he's taking liberties - in fact I don't think he fully realises what I do for a living now and he is effectively asking me to work for free (I don't think he actually views it as "work", more of a favour). I do kind of feel sorry for him because he's trying to better himself (his words not mine) and I don't want to be uncharitable, but part of me thinks: where is this going to end?!

So, what would you do if you were me? Ignore the message? Tell him I'm not offering my services for free any more and potentially cause awkwardness between us in the future? Do the charitable thing and edit the piece for him?

(I'm 34 and live with my DP of 2 years, he's 37 and single, if that makes any difference. When I was single he made it clear he was interested in me, but I let him down gently. When I met DP he told me he was happy for me.)

I would tell him that no, you cannot look over the message as you are busy with paid work so are not taking on any free work at the minute.

The problem is more your inability to say no.

People will always ask, we have to learn to say no in all sorts of circumstances.

I think you message him back and tell him that your work has really taken off, and you are snowed under with similar work at the moment and just do not have the time to do it.

No need to mention payment or anything. You were kind to do him these favours before but it sounds a proper slog and honestly? You don't have time, do you?

Be kind but hint about your work being very much in demand. And just say no.

I would say that you are really busy with other work at the moment so you won't be able to do it for a few months.
Maybe suggest someone else you know from your course " would recommend mrs x but will probably charge you £100 ish"

Also what is he doing these written peices for? If it's going to be marked on grammar etc then you shouldn't be editing it anyway. The course tutor ought to be seeing what he is really like iyswim, and if he can't write properly then that needs addressing as you won't always be there to do his work for him iyswim.

pieces sorry, ds3 is trying to help!

Don't do it! Just message him back saying that you're sorry you can't help him, but that you're copy editing a novel at the moment, so you just don't have the time, or you'll end up losing money. If he wants to take umbrage at that, then he doesn't sound like a very good friend.

I would explain to him that you just don't have the time. You could say that it will take you x hours and you simply don't have the time as it will impact on your paid work - then jokily say unless you want to pay me x ? Then suggest another copywriter he could try... I suppose he might get moody with you but he is taking the piss.

Rooney he's doing an accounting course at night school as he wants to get out of warehousing work. The essay I helped him with was a case study about an accountancy firm. I don't think he was getting marked on spelling, grammar, etc, so I wasn't helping him "cheat" per se, it's just that his writing was so incoherent, he wasn't doing justice to all research he'd done for the case study.

Re. the 6000 word piece, as far as I understand he's simply trying his hand at creative writing! Bizarre hobby choice I thought, but hey

Choco I like your suggestion to recommend someone else and mention how much they would probably charge - hopefully that might make him get the hint...

I'd tell him your work has got busy, so you would have to charge for your time if you did it. Mention your hourly rate and let him decide if he wants you to do it or not.

You helped him with his CV, his job application, and with a 5000 word essay, and that's enough.

I suggest you recommend that he joins adult evening classes for writing/creative writing, and someone else can take him on.

I agree you need to tell him clearly that your professional work has taken off and you just don't have the time to spare.

I teach in adult education and one of the things we offer students is supports with things like dyslexia. For example having a volunteer to proof read, pulling together CVs etc. Maybe you could suggest he asks at his college for support. you could also give him some suggestions on how to improve before he asks for help - like running the piece thru spell check and grammar check - I know not perfect but even accounts have to write reports etc and if he's serious about a career change he needs to prepare for this as well as a qualification.

Yes, you are doing him no favours by correcting it.

He needs to do what all the other intelligent dyslectic students do and ask the college for support.

He will get tuition, support, extra time for exams and coursework. Possibly even support with buying software to help him.

If you just correct his work, the college will assume all is well and he will be unable to cope with a job because he didn't learn ways to manage his dyslexia when he had the chance.

I used to find it really hard saying no to people to but as I've gotten older, married and become a parent, hubby has helped me massively in so many ways, confidence and others, so I find I can easily say no nowadays and understand I don't have to feel guilty for it so completely understand where u are coming from with regards to that.

But u have helped this guy out with 3 major things already and I think he may be slightly taking the pee asking u again especially for free as he clearly knows what ur career entails as this is why he is asking u to do it!

As others have said kindly say I do not have the spare time to look over something so big when u have some current clients already on ur books that u are working for and can't take the time out or may risk losing paid work.

That is perfectly reasonable on your part and as a friend he should understand and respect your reasoning.

There is no shame in him asking.

There is no shame in saying no.

You do not have to provide an explanation to be honest.

Stop feeling guilty.

Alternatively, list three jobs that you need done: mowing the lawn, reprinting garage door, etc. and ask him which one he wants to start with.

I'd say you're too busy and then suggest he contact the dyslexia support services at his college or a local/national dyslexia association if the college services aren't great.
I occasionally work with dyselxia charities and I've noticed that people with dyslexia can sometimes not appreciate how much work it takes to proofread and edit so he may not realise how much he is asking. However, he might also say that he has approached the college and their services aren't that good which is why I would also suggest the national associations. There's a massive disparity in the support that colleges offer.