My strange parents

[duncton3]

I need some advice as to whether anyone else has this issue, or can tell me whether I am over reacting. I need to a bit of perspective to be honest!
We relocated 12 months ago and now live 6/7 hours from my parents. I've not always had the best relationship with them, esp DM but since having DCs that has improved a bit and they love having grandchildren.
When we lived near them we did see them every couple of weeks or so, usually initiated by me. Didn't rely on for child care as they weren't interested in the committment.
Now we've moved, they have absolutely no interest in the DCs at all (or me and DH but that has always been the case), no phone calls, no emails, no Skype nothing. When we see them (which is approx every 2/3 months) they love seeing the DCs and love hearing all about them. But in between nothing at all. Up until now I've been emailing photos and sending general emails to which I get very little response. Now I'm actually beginning to wonder why I bother. Even when they know big things are happening for the DCs they just don't bother. I'm also wondering why I bother travelling the length of the country to see them when it's actually a horrible journey with 3 young DCs. My DCs do ask why they never talk to their GPs and its becoming hard to explain.
I know I could phone them and I do, but I don't see why it should always be me. And frankly I don't have the head space to deal with this at the moment.
It just makes me sad that my friends have far more interest in my chn than my own parents do. Thank god for friends!
If I mentioned it to my parents they would just laugh it off (we are not a discussing things kind of family - most probs come down to this fact!)
Anyway- tell me your thoughts, sorry so long..

My mother visited me once in 10 years, even though she could drive and lived 15 miles away. I was expected to visit her every week.

Many older people seem to be like this, so you''re not alone. I'd carry on sending emails, photos etc, but cut down on the visits, or stop them altogether. Your parents are selfish expecting you to visit with 3 dcs on a regular basis if they make no effort in return.

And I'd tell them why, if they ask.

It's a pity they're not more hands-on type grandparents but, them's the breaks. We don't get to choose our parents any more than they get to choose us. They could be anything from busy to selfish to economising on the phone bill. If they're happy enough to talk to you when you call and there's no animosity, then there's no 'rift' to speak of. You say 'if you mentioned it...' which suggests you haven't actually had the conversation. All you need say is 'it would be nice if you called me occasionally... feels like you're not interested'. See what happens.

Yes I've already cut down the length of time we go there for as I have far too many issues with dm to stay for long without it driving me mad. I probably do need to be a bit more blunt about it- I just get sick of everything being turned into a joke (eg if I say 'it would be nice if you called some time' I'd get back 'well you know we are very busy ...' sarcastically (they are retired).

I suppose my main issue is that even though I have my own problems with them and always have, I thought they would at least want to keep a relationship going with the dcs. I also find it difficult to understand- I can't imagine a time when I would not want to be involved in my children's lives.

I have strange in laws. I know how you feel. You should read my thread -stingey mil-is this normal not sure how to link it but it's recent.

Visit when & for as long as it's convenient for you, if they don't/won't come to you, they'll have to accept that visits are on your terms.

However, if they get on with the kids when they see them, that really is worth something.

Perhaps they feel it's your "duty" to do the travelling & keep them informed?

Or that there's no need to reply with a thanks everytime you send something?