I could go on for ages but will try and be as brief as possible. OH has had drinking issues and being incredibly unreliable since DS was 6 months, 2.5 years ago. Actually these things have always been problems but didn't matter so much until we started a family.
Had various counselling etc (all instigated by me) - it's been up and down but looked better for a while, hence I am now 24 weeks preg. For the last few months it's got worse again - rarely home from work when he says he'll be (even if I'm ill or something), smells of booze/drunk when he gets in, lying to me about train delays or something when he's actually in the pub. Also become very depressed and defensive, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
At the beginning of June he went on a bender when he should have been at counselling (and lied about it), which was the final straw for me - I've been going to Al Anon and doing everything I can to sort out this mess. Gave him a month to sort himself out or said we'd have a trial separation, I can no longer cope with the daily anxiety and we obviously can't sort it out living together, just on a merry-go-round of drink> argument > upset apology >a few days fine>drink again.
Anyway, that didn't work so now been separated for 3 weeks. He spent the first 2 being very hostile to me and blaming me for how down he is now. Changed his attitude last week and started (finally) to go to AA. But slept through his scheduled visit with DS yesterday, and late and very hostile today so I feel like we haven't moved on at all.
In tears all morning and have realised that if I wasn't preg I wouldn't still be putting myself through this. I need it to be over. He is completely unreliable and self-centered (I don't know how much of this is drink and how much is just him). He's great when he's around, but that's only on his terms, ie when no-one's up for a drink on his way home. I've seen a really nasty side to him in the last month or so and have lost any respect for him - I don't think I love him anymore. But I'm COMPLETELY TERRIFIED of going through the birth without him (he was amazing last time), and coping with a toddler and baby on my own.
I know I shouldn't stay just because I'm pregnant, but petrified of the alternative (we've been together 16 years, since I was 20). Has anyone else been through this? How do you cope on your own with 2 LO's?? Haven't even started to think about house, money etc, too much of a minefield, but seeing a solicitor about mediation and/or legal separation next week.
:(((((
Sorry, not brief after all.