help-'D'P told us to leave,nowhere to go

[KissMyStardust]

Posted earlier today about argument with Partner, he went out today to give me some space but has come back 7 hours later drunk and decided he is not happy and that DD and i should leave.
He owns our home but i said no this is the family home and he should go. He then said he'd sell it then i'd 'have nothing'.

i have nowhere to go, no job but some savings - what do i do now?? This has all come to a head all of a sudden this weekend. My head is all over the place and Im so worried for me and DDs future now, I feel so stupid for ending up in such a vulnerable position with home and finances.

What a total arse. Don't go anywhere, he won't be able to sell it imminently. How dare he try and turf your daughter and you out on the street.

Is this the same man that decided he was only going along with marriage and babies to humour you? Sorry ifuthat was another poster.

yes, same man...things seem to have just rapidly unraveled since I got brave today and stated exactly what behaviour was not acceptable in our relationship .
i can't believe he said that about DD as well...im so sad but so angry too.

Is he being aggressive or threatening since he got back? He's not expecting you to leave right now is he?

Unless you're in danger, don't go anywhere. Someone will be along in a bit with better advice.

Get yourself down to CAB asap, you have the right to stay out while you find yourself somewhere else to live. A friend has recently been through similar. X

Stay put

Even if you're not on the mortgage I think you could still be entitled to the house as main carer for your child ( at least this was what somebody told me when I was enquiring about a similar situation).

Are you married? In this case I think you would be able to make a claim for the house- not sure if this is the case for non-married partners although I personally was still told I would have a good claim.

"Rights to the home for owner-occupiers

If you and your partner are owner-occupiers, it's possible that only one of you is the actual owner of the property. If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no right to stay in your home if your partner asks you to leave.

However, if you have children, you can ask the court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children. "

Quoted from
www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_relationship_when_you_re_living_together.htm#housing_rights_at_the_end_of_a_relationship

we're not married, I wouldn't be able to cope with going through court to try claim house though , or maybe just feel that way right now.

He's not been violent or aggressive, Im safe here just now. I think he expects us to move pronto though.

have gone through to bed,he is on sofa.

i need to be strong but feel have totally failed DD.

But you do need some legal/CAB advice so you know what your rights are (even rights to benefits etc).

If you have savings could you rent privately for a while, then make a claim for housing benefit(if eligible).

Your DP will have to pay some form of maintainance. Is he going to want access to your DD at all?

If he's not violent or aggressive maybe you could work something out through family mediation?

You haven't failed your DD. Lots of men and women sadly in your situation.

Don't worry now too much about what you might have to deal with later on, eg court. I would say to him you're going nowhere until you have spoken to solicitors etc. If his behaviour worries you at all ring the police.

Go to the CAB. Get yourself clued up on your rights and how to find somewhere else to live and all the benefits you are entitled to. Contact the CSA and set a claim up.
Then tell him to fuck right off and keep his stupid house!
You haven't let your DD down - he has.
It will be hard but you will get through it x

I feel stronger having support here-thank you.

I Will call cab tomorrow to try and arrange to see someone.

We need somewhere to live, Im not sure I can afford to rent privately...I can go to the local housing association though. That's another thing to add to the list.

DP will have access to DD - I want them to have a good relationship, as much as possible and PIL are good grandparents, dote on her. After his comments last night I do worry about him giving financial support for DD.

im still under cmht care for severe pnd...i was doing so well but now feels like am hanging on by a thread.must stay strong for DD.

You do need to get legal, practical and financial advice fairly quickly. I'm sorry the man's being so nasty with you for simply standing up to him. He will have to support DD financially but that's about the only thing you can count on here. You have no share in his home unless you can provide evidence of financial investment. You're a 'lodger' in the eyes of the law, unfortunately. If you have any joint bank or savings accounts, however, you are entitled to a share of those.

So don't panic or make rush decisions but do assume you'll be starting from scratch and get as much information as you can. The local authority housing department, CAB, solicitors... and make sure that your personal safety is absolutely paramount. Any hint of aggression on his part and the game changes.

is it his dd too?

Yes, its his DD.

I need to make a plan.

The car is in my name, I could sell it if need be...that's always there as a fall back.

DD is running around so happy...I have to make sure everything is okay for her.

I think this it's this kind of situation, back against the wall and having to fight for the best for our kids, that enables us to dig deep & find untapped reserves of strength and resourcefulness. A plan will help you feel more confident, even if it means making sacrifices. Won't be easy but nothing worth having comes easy. Remember.... without the application of pressure, a diamond would be a lump of coal. :)

Dont leave,if he is serious about being apart he will get his stuff and go.Thats your DDs home,this isnt her fault why should you uproot her?Go and get advice but dont tell him what you know,knowledge is power and will protect you.Dont give him an inch,carry on your routine as notmal and give him no impression youre going anywhere.Id prob say if you want me to go you find someehere safe for DD otherwise im going nowhere.He is responsible for your child too.