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Relationships

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Original poster

Consensus on this purlease

25 replies

pecka · 07/06/2006 21:52

Just been having a casual chat with DH (prompted by Nikki's body on big brother)

Anyway, he came up with the following statement

"I couldnt love you anymore, but I could be more attracted to you than I am if you were better looking and/or had a better figure"

He did concede to saying I was very, very pretty but had a body that had obviously carried 2 kids and that meant more to him than better figure but that if I had mint figure he would be attracted to me than he is.

Cant decide if thats fair enough or offensive.

OP posts:

Beauregard · 07/06/2006 21:55

Cheeky sod i would have slapped him !

Freckle · 07/06/2006 21:56

What's his bod like? Think I'd find some ways that he could be more attractive too.

Original poster

pecka · 07/06/2006 21:58

Well that was my point. There is always going to be things that could be improved on but that shouldnt really impact on how attractive you find your chosen partner.

My hubby has a very good boy, but isnt necessarily that "good looking" but for me, I wouldnt want to change him

OP posts:

Hoopoe · 07/06/2006 21:59

oh come on - he was honest! fair enough. he did say you were very very pretty and that he couldn't love you more than he already does!

WideWebWitch · 07/06/2006 21:59

I'd be v unimpressed with my dh saying this. Agree with Freckle, bet he's not Adonis himself is he?

Original poster

pecka · 07/06/2006 22:00

hoopoe, I have said I cant decide if its fair enough or offensive!

OP posts:

Original poster

pecka · 07/06/2006 22:00

Hes picked a great time to say it after my thread about me feeling twice the age I actually am and I have the hugest stye on my eye!

OP posts:

Hoopoe · 07/06/2006 22:03

true pecka, and now had a think and decided i'd be upset! i'd couldn't LOGICALLY fault him, but i'd be a bit miffed...

LadyTambaOfTambaTown · 07/06/2006 22:03

My DP has said before "there are women in the world more beautiful than you - but its you I love and want to be with"

So is that a compliment or what???

wannaBe1974 · 08/06/2006 07:55

tamba my dh has said similar to me in the past. Thing is, I would rather he was honest than him telling me that I was gorgious when I know that not to be the case. I went out with a guy when I was younger who constantly told me I was beautiful. Then one day I asked him if he really thought so and he said "no, I don't even really think you're that pretty, but I know there have been times when you've had a low opinion of yourself so I thought that if I told you you were beautiful it would boost your self esteem". TBH him telling me he thought of me in a certain way even though he didn't was worse than if he'd told me up front.

sheepgomeep · 08/06/2006 11:14

my dp has told me that a couple of his exes were more pretty than me but it was me that he loves and wants to me with and me that turns him on. I never know how to take this,

morningpaper · 08/06/2006 11:16

Well he's just being honest I suppose

Let's face it when I am 94 if DH said "Oh darling I am just attracted to you now as I am to that 20 year old nurse who gives me my sponge bath on a wednesday"

I know he will be lying

Feistybird · 08/06/2006 11:23

Isn't that just a biological fact? that men fancy women who are aesthetically more pleasing to them?

I'd lamp my dp if he said it to me tho.

docket · 08/06/2006 11:30

Hmmm, I think I would have been a bit offended but at the same time it's kind of fair enough. Men have a habit of being brutally honest don't they, perhaps suggest a diplomacy course would do wonders for his attractiveness?!

NotQuiteCockney · 08/06/2006 11:44

I'm sure it's true, but it doesn't seem like something that needs to be said, iyswim.

I'd be a bit miffed, but not mortally offended.

MadamePlatypus · 08/06/2006 12:04

Personally, I don't think this would be true for me thinking about DH. I think how you look should reflect who you are. He is attractive to me because he is fairly active and get up and go, which is reflected in the way he looks. However, if he spent a fortune on beauty treatments and every spare minute in the gym I would find him boring. I supsect most men would be initially interested in somebody like Nikki, but as far as long term relationships go they would very quickly get fed up with all the high maintenance rubbish that goes with it.

ShowOfHands · 08/06/2006 12:39

I think it's a credit to your relationship that he can be so honest and I think he probably suffers from 'tryingtosaysomethingnicebutapproachingitcockeyeditis'. All men have it, received in the womb along with dihydrotestosterone and selective hearing.

My dh reckons that attractiveness is too arbitrary to comment on definitively. If I had a washboard stomach and perky breasts but became a nag he wouldn't be attracted to me at all, though physically he could argue that I look more attractive in a few, frankly irrelevant, ways. But 'I couldn't love you any more', that's one of the nicest compliments you could receive. I'd focus on that bit of the statement.

2mum · 08/06/2006 13:09

Im a few stone heavier than when i got married 6 years ago, i was skinny back than . but my dh tell tells me im pretty or gorgeous although nowhere near as often as he did back then. I know hes been out with quite a few people before me and i can imagine they were better looking than me but i dont know cos ive never seen any of them. I think my dh is gorgeous and still fancy him as much although we both need to get down the gym!

batters · 08/06/2006 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelinaj · 08/06/2006 20:25

next time you go out. Get a bit flirty with another man and then ask DH how unatractive you are. Watch his face!!

lucylocket80 · 08/06/2006 21:01

Pecka,
Ooh, I think he's a big meanie!
Did you perhaps start this conversation with your dh in the first place?
Sounds like a blurted and confused answer from that of a panicking cornered man!

However, he still flamin' well said it....

I would be very very upset with my partner if he said anything like that, and would then take on a rigorous exercise regime for all of about 1 day . Then, would be sure to make him feel sufficiently guilty about offensive comment.

Why don't men learn that sometimes, things don't really don't need to be said - however true and fair they may be?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 08/06/2006 21:07

Well, you are a little sensitive about your appearance atm, clearly. I can see how it could be hurtful. BUT, i think he has been both honest, and as tactful as he could be about it.

I would, myself, take it as a compliment. I know my body is not the same as before my two children, i would be an idiot to think otherwise.

I would also be daft to think that my partner would not look at other women adn find them very attractive, nay, prettier than me.

I am wholely reassured by the fact that we love each other very much, and more and more as time goes on, and still find each other attractive, even though things have changed. Its a fact of life that we get old, and things droop and sag when we dont want them too. I, atm, am at peace with this. But, ask me again in 10 years time - my answer may be a little different

FrannyandZooey · 08/06/2006 21:10

I agree with NQC, and ShowofHands. I think he has well meaningly stumbled into mild offensiveness while trying to be honest and complimentary.

Bless him :)

Original poster

pecka · 08/06/2006 22:37

Still quietly seething about this. think it has touched a nerve about a bigger issue. Namely his lowering respect for me. When he "got" me he couldnt believe his luck and neither could his friends and now I am 'er indoors I seem to have blended into the surroundings.

I keep looking at him thinking "who teh fuck do you think you are? Im LUSH, cant you see!!!!"

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 08/06/2006 22:39

Oh dear :(

In that case I think what he has said is fairly irrelevant. I think you have some things to talk about.

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