Do not know what to do

[Sexonlegs]

The title says it all.
Summary- been married nearly 14 years, together nearly 18 and have 2 dd.
I met dh when I was recently single from someone who I adored, a bit of a rebound relationship. Anyway, it was all good to start with, although even before we got married, things were not great in the sex department - I just did not enjoy sex with dh, but cannot explain why.

Anyway, moving on, things are awful - not had sex for 3 years, and neither of us feel the spark. We have been to Relate for a few months and know that we need to spend more time together to re-connect, but I just wonder if we have missed the boat so to speak. Dh is lovely, he is pretty thoughtful, and a great Dad, but we are just 2 people sharing a house.

I want to feel loved, as selfish as that sounds. And without sounding full of myself, I still look good, and have a lot to offer someone.

I am just scared of calling it a day with dh for the childrens' sake, but I cannot face the next potentially 30 years like this.

Help!! Please!! Thanks!

Hand holding until someone better equipped to advise comes along....

Change is always scary.

Can you remember what (if anything) you first loved about your DH?

Thanks HMT - great name!

It was because he was so keen on me - attentive, and sweet. But apart from that I don't know :( I also knew he would be a good dad, although I was never that keen on having children.

What are you both teaching your children about relationships here?. You really together because of the children now, what does that teach them?. That you only stayed together because of them, they will call you daft for doing so and wonder too why you put him before them. They should not be used as glue to bind you and your H together.

He may be a great dad (women often write that comment however when they themselves have nothing at all positive to write about him) but a great H?. You've both drifted apart and your children likely know more than you think. You cannot fully protect them from the breakdown of your relationship.

By staying with this man as well, you are actively preventing your own self (and he) from finding someone else.

You have hit the nail on the head. We have drifted apart and I am sure certainly our older dd is aware to some degree of the score.

It just seems to utterly sad, but I know there is a lot of it about.

We love each other as friends - end of.

Better to be apart and happier than to be together and miserable.