I've NC'ed for this, but posted about my ex before, usually in response to other people's threads. He was abusive to me and our children, and after social services became involved he was removed from our house. Our young children had supervised contact for a few months, until social services (finally) listened to what had really been going on in our home and adviced me (and him, seperately) to go to court to settle residence and contact. Until that time they had been pressuring me to supervise contact, because they saw him as a loving father and victim of his experiences.
My ex has been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, but professionals are considering BPD as well, because his problems started in childhood and not after the traumatic events in adulthood.
I've been asked so many times by professionals what I think his problem is and what he is capable of, to the point where I now refuse to go into that discussion because I obviously don't know and am tired of them jumping on something I say and change their approach based on my conflicted musings.
Now we are in the middle of court proceedings and a fact-finding hearings is coming up. I've documented all the abuse, have some witness statements, and am now waiting to see which way it goes. Ivr mader clear that I don't want him to have unsupervised contact ever, even if he seems to be doing better, because he is very manipulative and has such a violent history that I don't think he can ever be considered safe around the children all of the time.
However, I'm still struggling with the issue of his mental illnes(es). Much of our relationship was about me getting him help professional help and since he's gone, I've resisted getting back in that role. But today I decided to google up on BNP and contact with children a bit, and now I'm wondering how the courts deal with this issue. Do they have a policy on this? Like a blanket 'if this and this then no contact'? Because I can see him in the descriptions but worry about the fact social services seem to be coming back to this label as a thing that would be quite decisive. My statements focus on the abuse and don't include more than a line or two about his illness, because I don't want to become a ball in the hands of professionals with their own agendas again. But now I'm wondering if I should, in order to prevent it going the other way, wheere my statement will be used to show there is nothing in their relationship but abuse.
I'm of the opinion that he should be seen for how he is: dangerous for the children because he has been abusive towards him, but still in therapy and capable to be loving with them if he feels safe and boundaries are clear. (If he's willing is a different question, that I think is up to him to prove)
What I would like ideally, is for him to not have contact until he has made significant progress, measured partly by admitting to what he has done and doing something to change that. But will that be an option if the psychological assessment comes to the conclusion that he has BPD?
All this is complicated by the fact that any decision for no contact will be permanent, because he will lose UK residency and be deported to his home country.
Writing it down is already helping me clear my mind a bit,but I would like to hear any feedback from people who have experience with these kind cases (as a party or a professional) to have a better idea of what to expect. And thanks for making it all the way down here!