Just Called Off Wedding :'( advice please

[Mollyma]

I just called off my wedding to my fiance. I am meant to be getting married November 30th and I have called off my own wedding.

My whole life has crumbled. literally. I feel so lost and down and feel like I have nowhere to go. I have been with my fiance since I was 18 and I am now 24.

We met in college and have been together since, he got offered a job in Chicago and after 6 years of dating proposed to me, because we would be getting married in November we moved to Chicago for his new job last year November planning 1 year engagement.

I am from Canada and we both moved to Chicago, I left my job, my friends, my life and everything so we could move here and start our life here only knowing him here in Chicago.

We bought our house here in Chicago, I finally found a job and I honestly thought we were on our way. Everything was good and we've just been busy planning our wedding and honeymoon.

Over the past few months everything changed. to cut a long story short I realized that all these years my fiance has had a secret life completely.

1. Between age 15-25 (while we were together) my fiance has had a completely secret bisexual life. He swears he hasn't done anything with any guys despite flirting but honestly I do not believe him.

1. He has an addiction to gay pornography which I had no idea about (I use his laptop all the time but never saw it he was very smart) he has confessed he watches it almost every other day before i wake up.

1. He also has this whole circle of secret friends (female) who he acts as their gay best of friend around (I've never met these women before)

I never knew about any of this and found out by a slip chance (he has a secret email account which he used to order something, i say the Ebay invoice and thought hmmm and i went digging from there).

I found this all out this week but since moving here things have crumbled because I had my women instinct about this and since we moved here something just wasn't right.

He is crying and begging saying he isn't gay bla bla bla but honestly i think it would be crazy for me to go ahead with the wedding. If he has been having this secret life for 10 years it wont just magically go away.

Now I am here and I feel I threw my youth, my life all down the drain for a lie and I don't think I will be able to live properly after this.

I just feel so shocked and lost. I left everything behind in Canada to move here and feel I have lost everything I have ever known. I'm going to have to go back to Canada rebuild my life again and start over when I knew this man since i was so young.

I don't know were to even begin rebuilding my life again.I have nooone I love around me. My mum passed away and back in Canada I only have my brother. I feel I have nothing to go back to and nothing here. My whole life has shattered apart.

Please reassure me that everything will be okay.

Do you think I made the right decision

Escape. Get some breathing space. I suspect in time you will realise even more how awful all of this is, and that you want nothing to do with it. A long time ago I had a relationship with a guy who I and many others suspected was gay, but he denied it. I only found out (3) about all the platonic female friends, and that on its own was enough to discomfort me. While I don't mind a man having one or two good, long term female friends, having to share your fiancé with various different women, all of whom he is emotionally intimate with, is just not on.

I always suspected he was gay, but never managed to find enough evidence of (1) and (2) - he was very secretive. (3) on its own was enough for me and as soon as I distanced myself, I felt a lot better. Get away from him and this awful shock, don't agree to be friends with him and make your own life.

Well done you for finding out and making the right decision. Good luck with the next stage.

You made the right decision.

You're 24! You have your whole life ahead of you. You're understandably in shock now. If you have any time off I'd get away from the situation for a few days.

You found a job in New York. Do you like it there? Would you like to stay there? Is there anything you would like to do that you ruled out because you were part of a couple?

Sounds like you have made the perfect choice!! Good luck xxx