Can an adult be sexually abused (but I don't mean rape)?

[PlantPots]

I have posted before about my abusive exs, but have nc'd here as this is quite sensitive. If you recognize me please do not say so.

I left an abusive relationship, and am having counselling currently. It's been helpful, but I am becoming increasingly stressed out by intrusive thoughts about something sexual that an ex did to me a number of years ago. This particular thing was not rape. It was very embarrassing though, and I tried to stop it but was afraid to.

I haven't been able to mention it to the counselor yet, as I said it wasn't rape, and it was some years ago, and I am very embarrassed I let someone do this thing to me even though I was an adult.There are much worse things that I have already talked to the counselor about, including actual rape, and something else that has far more of an impact on my life now.

This other thing really should not matter. But I keep thinking about it. I have woken up at night thinking about it.

Can adults be sexually abused even if it's not rape?

I have done some online searches and it seems as though adults can be raped or they can be 'adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse'. I know I put up with some shit but I am feeling pretty crap thinking that there must have been something really wrong for me to have put up with something like that and effectively been treated as a child by my then boyfriend. I.e. if that is the implication, that an adult is not usually able to be sexually abused by another adult.

I don't think it's a (conscious) underage fantasy - plenty of men like women shaved/waxed, and the porn industry has increased its popularity. Please don't worry about that. On the other hand, doing this to someone against their wishes is a horrible exercise in control and humiliation - like saying "I will make your body look how I want it to, whether you agree or not". Please do open up to your counsellor and tell her how you feel about it.

I am sure it wasn't an underage fantasy thing, but no offence taken northlight. (Though one of my own personal objections to doing this for him was the fact that I knew I would personally be uncomfortable with it because I knew I would feel too child-like myself. He definitely didn't see it like that though, and we did discuss it at some length and over a period of a few months so I am certain of that).

When I said about being treated like a child, I meant more that he thought he could get away with being very manipulative and doing this to me, and that I suppose I feel stupid because I imagine that no other adult ever would end up with someone doing something like this to them. Hence thinking that I can't face talking about it in rl with a counsellor. But I will try. Thanks.

Probably since you would never consider disrespecting someone's wishes yourself you find it hard to understand that someone else would. You really did not let it happen, he did it to you as part of his controlling, abusive behaviour.