Have paid hundreds for a chance to meet a soul mate. Now feel guilty .

[Everincreasingirth]

after a lot of thinking and dubious attempts at Internet dating I decided enough was enough. Fed up of feeling lonely. Of only having myself for company on lomveky summer nights as this. Fed up of the struggle of beingca single mother and all the responsibilities that involves... Not that I don't know how lucky I am to have happy healthy children but sometimes it's so hard when they say something funny not to have anyone to share it . So have taken drastic action. At a cost of nearly two thousand pounds ( overdraft) I have signed up to an introduction agency.... And I feel rubbish. How could I use money I don't have on so
Thing so daft. They, for my fee, will arrange ten dates with suitable single men who they have vetted on my behalf.... Yeh, it's not going to work is it. For one the men willing to sign up will not be looking for single mothers like myself. O just feel foolish now that I was willing to pay for the dream of not constantly being on my own with everything. Wanted so
Wine who knew and liked me a little, nothingxamZing.
X just wanted to do everyday thongs with me and the children. And saw me not just as a mum but as a woman too... My feedback from the dating sites previously has been I am too independent- well what else do you expect me to be when there is no one to raise the children but me! Sorry . Far to long a post... Just so a sad that hVe come to this.

'the men willing to sign up will not be looking for single mothers like myself'

Unless you kept that a secret, it's the agency's job to make sure that the guys they send you are fine with that. If they sent you men who run away screaming at the idea of a person with a life (why would they?) then you can complain and get your money back

Enjoy ten lovely dates,and remember they will be nervous at meeting you!

Hello lovely lady,

It was not wrong at all. As long as you are going to be able to pay it back off the overdraft alright?

Other than, look beneath what you have written.

You want to share life and laughter. You are strong and independent and loving.

You seem honest as well.

What man would not want this? And if the choices as vetted, I actually like your chances!!!!

I would say to for it, but first sit down and re member why you went for it in the first place. They were perfectly valid reasons in my mind.

It is summer and you are young yet and your heart longs for love and fun and togetherness. This is a normal thing to hunger for.

I just hope you get a good one!!!!

Thank you so much.. Feeling a little daft as those responses have made tears run.... Stupid eh. Was expecting responses to say how stupid I was to try such a thing. Thank you again. Yes I was very honest about having children when I signen up. Just worried that it's so much money to spend on myself for maybe nothing x

Ever: don't feel guilty about the money.
You have spent the money for a reason and you haven't 'wasted' it on a handbag.

You have at least 10 dates to look forward to.
It will be fun just going out and meeting this men.

You must keep us updated on how it is all going.

Best wishes to you. I hope you find a good, decent, caring man.

It's their job to find men who are interested in people like you.
If the men they send are that shallow, 1) you don't want them and 2) the agency aren't doing their job

I think the agency can refund you if they are unable to find you people who match your requirements. not sure!

Not normally this irrational . Maybe that's why it feels so odd. Think it's the idea of feeling so clone you are willing to advertise for company. Not great for ones ego!! Has anyone else tried this introduction agency thing? Would love to know what you thought of it x
H

Oh. Have just read back my original post, for the record I am not actually writing under the influence of several glasses of wine but I am writing this on an I touch Wichita seems to auto correct everything wrongly!! Now red faced not only at joining an introduction agency but also T the rubbish grammar I
On my part x

Not tried internet dating yet, can't afford it for one thing, and really don't think i'm up to starting another relationship yet, nice as it would be to share things with.

But i do have a close friend who met her current partner 8 months ago, shes really really happy with him, but she did see a lot of other men before him. She says seeing so many wrong men, made her realise how right her current partner is, and she might not have realised that so early on without the experience, so i'd say go for it, enjoy all the 10 dates, you're not advertising yourself, you're just making the most of all the opportunities that are available now, people have always used dating sites, its just easier to do now thats all. If something long term comes out of your 10 dates, brillient, if not just enjoy the experiences. Wishing you luck. xx

Can you afford this? Can you get your money back? I'd ask about the small print.

Nothing wrong with an introduction agency, but you sound quite low, which isn't the best frame of mind to meet somebody.

I think you should enjoy the dates, it sounds like they will introduce you to a decent range of men even if you don't end up hitting it off. I think single mums are often unwilling to invest in dating, which is something I made a conscious effort to do - trying lots of adventurous hobbies, paying for babysitters rather than just expecting men to stay in, going out to places where young professionals hang out. It has paid off and I'm now married, to a lovely solvent kind man, the kind of person who people often think 'aren't looking for single mums like myself'. If a man finds someone he is attracted to and he gets on well with, it won't put him off if she has kids. And there is no need to assume you have to 'settle' or lower your expectations because you have dc either. If anything, you should raise your expectations because you need to be sure that anyone you settle down with is good enough to share your life with your dc.

It may have cost you, but at least you'll get 10 dates with guys who've been vetted and have presumably also paid £2k so won't be married/vanishers/nothing like their profile claims/all the other OD rubbish. Good luck!

I met my DH via an introduction agency. He was man number 3 and I was woman number 6!

Both of us found that the fee meant everyone you met was genuinely interested in a long term relationship.

As long as you told the agency you had a child, the blokes will all be expecting it. Go for it!

It's not daft. You want to meet someone, you thought this might be a good way to. And even if it doesn't work, you get the experience. I think everyone should get to spend some crazy money occasionally.

And, more importantly, there's no shame in wanting to meet a partner, and there's no shame in taking care of your needs.

Thanks again for all the responses. Don't feel quite so guilty anymore. In fact sort of looking forward to seeing what happens. Even if this isn't the way to meet ' the one' then at least it should be 10 entertaining evenings out.

Kundry- could I ask what agency you used?

if a bloke is prepared to spend £2000 on an introduction agency as well, my guess is he's not just looking for a quick shag as he can do that for free or much cheaper than on an internet dating site.

Good luck

I'm excited for you! You are clearly lovely, and nice people do find nice people if given chance to meet... You've found a good (if expensive!) way to meet potential partners, sounds like a positive thing to me.

So long as you can pay your overdraft off that is : )

Getting out there and meeting new men is a brave, positive thing to do. If they've been vetted, they shouldn't be bad company at least, and it is good dating experience.

That's the key though - can you pay off the overdraft? If not then you really should be looking to see if you can get out of this.