Victim of domestic violence asked to leave holiday park!

[ClementineKelandra]

Ill try and keep this as concise as possible.

I'm on holiday in Wales staying in a caravan. Last night about 11pm an argument started between a couple in the caravan nearby. I say argument but it was mostly a man shouting.

It quickly escalated and the women was screaming, she sounded terrified, and there were children screaming "mummy" too.

At this point I phone the police. Very quickly the security guards from the site turned up. The woman was sobbing , said she was ok and the security guards quickly left.

As soon as they'd gone the man left the caravan. Moments later the police turned up. They spent some time searching the site but eventually the man was found and arrested.

This morning the women was sat outside the caravan and I went over to check she was ok. She has a broken nose! :( the caravan was a bit messed up too. Several internal doors were off their hinges.

We talked for a while and she told me she'd been asked to leave the holiday park!! I Wa stunned at this but she said she was going to leave anyway as her and the dc didn't want to be there after everything that had happened the night before.

I couldn't stop thinking about her being told to leave and later that day I went to speak to the general manager of the site.

He confirmed that yes she had been asked to leaved because they had a zero tolerance policy on violent behaviour.

I pointed out to him that it was the man who had been violent, he'd assaulted the women, she is basically being punished for being the victim of a crime and by asking her to leave they were implying that she was in some way to blame for the mans behaviour.

We talked about it for quite a while and I tried several different ways to get my point across. To be fair he did really listen to me and tried to understand but basically he didn't get it.

He also trotted out the usually ill informed stereo types "women like that never want to press charges" etc.

I'm so angry. In one way does it really matter because she wanted to go home anyway?

But on the other hand if we don't challenge such ignorant attitudes towards domestic violence then nothing is ever going to change. I feel like I want to do something to make the holiday park realise how wrong their attitude is.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. Trying to keep it as short as possible.

[ReallyTired]

The caravan has been trashed and prehaps the woman is not prepared to press charges or able to pay for the damages. Prehaps the caravan is not fit for habitation and the site have nowhere else to put the family. It is not a caravan's site job to re habilate domestic violence victims.

Domestic violence is a common reason for children being permamently taken into care. Domestic violence affects the women's ablity to think and does destroy confidence.

Sad as it is, but the caravan site owner needs to take into account all the holiday makers. Frankly it would be better for the woman to move into a woman's refuge (assuming there are places) than stay at the site.

[chamonixlover]

I am disgusted that one person here has no concept at all of what it's like to be on the receiving end of DV, is unable to empathize. Well done OP, it sometimes takes someone like you to enable victims of DV to exit their situation. It's far far harder than anyone without experience could imagine. Glad to see most posters have the ability to empathize. I'd have taken that family home and housed them for as long as it takes, even if it meant cramped housing. Just one person standing up for DV victims can change their lives. DV victims lose the ability to control their lives often and it takes a "do-gooder" sometimes to help them re-establish control.

[OctopusPete8]

I do Chamon, I made that very I was also a child in that situation, children trump in that situation.

It was a verbal shake in both situations that was needed and helped.
Another poster mad a point about a violent enabling family on the loose is really not on.

What if OP's DH had tried to help and been beaten within a inch and her kids had to witness it?

[OctopusPete8]

I assume you're referring to me Chamon,

[burberryqueen]

what if she swung the first punch?
what if he came back for more?
quite honestly i do not blame the caravan park management.
but who knows really?
you did well OP for discussing it with the management who have to consider all the people there.

[burberryqueen]

also can i point out there is no longer such a thing as an individual 'pressing charges' it is now up to the police and CPS.

[ReallyTired]

If the abusiver is the principle person on the form then the only way the caravan site can get rid of him is to get rid of whole party. If the woman is not prepared to press charges then the caravan site owner has no choice than to evict the entire party.

Having empathy with a victim of domestic violence does not mean enabling the situation to continue. I have been the victim of domestic violence and believe that the caravan site owner made the right decision.

I feel sorry for the children who have to live with situation day in and day out. Their childhood has been destroyed.

[ReallyTired]

" individual 'pressing charges' it is now up to the police and CPS."

The individual can cooperate with the police and CPS pressing charges if she chooses to. Since the woman is the only adult witness of what happened then it is difficult to make a sucessful case unless she actively wanting redress.

It is hard for a caravan site to take sides without at least the man having a caution.

[perfectstorm]

It is hard for a caravan site to take sides without at least the man having a caution.

OP clearly stated that he was on probation and was taken straight back to prison by the police. And the victim had a broken nose.

Interesting how so many read that and say it's hard for the manager to know what to think.

His partner is a victim of a violent crime, and the assailant being an intimate partner is an aggravating feature, not an excuse. She is not responsible, and as he is in jail for breach of his license, presumably, how can he be a risk to anyone at the park?

[kelda]

Gosh some of the responses on this thread are depressing.

If the woman had been attacked and caravan trashed by another other customer on the caravan site, do you still think she would have been chucked out of the park? You can't even argue that he will come back to the park following her, as the police returned him to jail.

I think it's about time to post this response to a question to Patrick Stewart about his experience of domestic violence.

[Ezio]

Clem, well done for speaking up, if we spoke up more, maybe women like her might see they have real options to get away.

But sadly in UK, its the victims who lose their rights more than the transgressors.

[OctopusPete8]

You can't really compare the 2 kelda,

a DV relationship is more likely to enabled further by the victim rather than a random attack.

[kelda]

'a DV relationship is more likely to enabled further by the victim rather than a random attack.'

at the blatent victim blaming.

[OctopusPete8]

its not victim blaming at all, but its very often the victim will forgive and allow the behaviour to continue due to mental wearing down,its not nice but the HM has a responsibility to the safety of other users.

[kelda]

Quite how is he a threat to other holiday makers when he is in prison?

[K8Middleton]

The victim might...

She could do...

She may enable...

And if she does do something then sanction her. But until she does something punishing her is grossly unfair.

Although quite what she will enable with him in prison I don't know

[InLoveWithDavidTennant]

well done op. you really did do the right thing. poor woman and poor dc's. hope she finds the strength to do the right thing

some of these replies are bloody awful

[MrsBungle]

titty I just want to say I agree with what you've said. I was a child of domestic violence too. I witnessed and heard (almost worse) terrible violence from my dad to my mum for my first 10 years. I would go into my little brothers bedroom and put my hands over his ears. My house was regularly like we'd been burgled.

As a child who doesn't understand what on earth is going on - and believe me I absolutely knew it was not normal, it is a terrifying way to live through absolutely no choice of your own.

[TheRealFellatio]

Exactly what gamer said. It's awfully sad for the woman and children involved, but it is not the problem of the park management to embroil themselves in the individual politics of domestic disputes. The police were called, the man was dealt with, their caravan is damaged and their site's atomsphere and image has been tarred by a troublesome, anti-social person. Every season there will be a handful of incidents that mean they have to ask certain parties to leave the site - they do not have the time nor the inclination to start morally philosophising over each individual case. They have a policy to adhere to for the wellbeing and comfort of all of their customers.

You were very thoughtful to get involved and I hope that the woman appreciated your concern and kindness.

[Dahlen]

From a hardnosed business perspective, I can see why the manager behaved as he did.

From a human decency perspective, I can't understand why he didn't offer the woman an alternative caravan - enabling him to repair the damaged caravan and giving her the opportunity for a few days of space and safety.

It's true that many victims of DV enable their abusers, but the solution is not to abandon them for it with a "it's impossible to help them until they're ready to leave" attitude. Gentle, persistent reinforcement of the fact that DV is wrong can chip away at their mindset. Contrary to popular belief, most women do leave - eventually.

[TheRealFellatio]

I don't think anyone is blaming the victim at all. They are just acknowledging that the park management will have a policy re: damage and anti-social behaviour that means that all of the party will be removed - it is just not feasible/practical for all sorts of reasons to remove one, or part of the party. It's that simple - nothing to do with lack of compassion for the woman. They are two separate issues.

[ClementineKelandra]

No victim of domestic violence enables the assaults.

That's like saying a victim enabled a rape by wearing a short skirt. Or a victim enabled a mugging by walking down the street with a handbag.

I'm not sure if I made it clear in my op but I saw a lot of what went on because all their curtains and windows were wide open. Also it was dark and their lights were on.

I saw him pacing up and down the caravan. I saw her trying to shut the door to keep away from him and then I saw him kicking the door until it came off its hinges. I saw him punching at somebody on the floor and the kids on the other side of the living area screaming mummy. :(

I am on my own here with dd. I'm not frightened of him coming after me. I won't be scared into submission by a nasty bully who beats up women. I would stand up to him time after time if I had to. I will not stand by and do nothing why our society continues to allow these men to get away with abusing their partners.

And let's talk about enabling shall we? Attitudes like some expressed on this thread are enabling DV, victim blaming is enabling DV.

[OctopusPete8]

I would maybe have offered her a caravan on a sister site, ?

probably safer.

How did he find her on holiday ? did he find her or take him with her?

[cestlavielife]

but this lady needs to have quick access to medical and other support and getting the injuries recorded - not have a few more days holiday while everything subsides.

unless she local to home then makes more sense she goes home to get the local support she needs to make sure the injuries and assault are recorded properly; get a restriaining order and occupation order or whatever is needed etc. she can't do all that in a holiday park and give her dc a holiday etc...she needs support and her dc to be looked after while she attends police dv support, solicitor, court if needed etc .

and that he is charged and that her dc are safe.

she didnt have an accident - she was assaulted and that needs to be addressed - i would guess it is hard to do all the necessary in a caravan park unless it is located close to her home and she can acceess soilcitor etc while there.

better she goes home, sorts it out and then takes dc later in a month or so for a calm peaceful holiday.

[ReallyTired]

"No victim of domestic violence enables the assaults.

That's like saying a victim enabled a rape by wearing a short skirt. Or a victim enabled a mugging by walking down the street with a handbag."

However a victim is not completely and utterly helpless and powerless either. No woman is that weedy.

Domestic violence is very different in that it is repeated. The victim chooses to live with the aggressor inspite of repeated attacks. Did the victim choose to let her attacker into the caravan.

I imagine that a caravan site insures its caravans against damage and the insurance company requires them to throw out a party who wreck a caravan.

At this time of year caravan sites do not have lots of spare caravans.