Victim of domestic violence asked to leave holiday park!

[ClementineKelandra]

Ill try and keep this as concise as possible.

I'm on holiday in Wales staying in a caravan. Last night about 11pm an argument started between a couple in the caravan nearby. I say argument but it was mostly a man shouting.

It quickly escalated and the women was screaming, she sounded terrified, and there were children screaming "mummy" too.

At this point I phone the police. Very quickly the security guards from the site turned up. The woman was sobbing , said she was ok and the security guards quickly left.

As soon as they'd gone the man left the caravan. Moments later the police turned up. They spent some time searching the site but eventually the man was found and arrested.

This morning the women was sat outside the caravan and I went over to check she was ok. She has a broken nose! :( the caravan was a bit messed up too. Several internal doors were off their hinges.

We talked for a while and she told me she'd been asked to leave the holiday park!! I Wa stunned at this but she said she was going to leave anyway as her and the dc didn't want to be there after everything that had happened the night before.

I couldn't stop thinking about her being told to leave and later that day I went to speak to the general manager of the site.

He confirmed that yes she had been asked to leaved because they had a zero tolerance policy on violent behaviour.

I pointed out to him that it was the man who had been violent, he'd assaulted the women, she is basically being punished for being the victim of a crime and by asking her to leave they were implying that she was in some way to blame for the mans behaviour.

We talked about it for quite a while and I tried several different ways to get my point across. To be fair he did really listen to me and tried to understand but basically he didn't get it.

He also trotted out the usually ill informed stereo types "women like that never want to press charges" etc.

I'm so angry. In one way does it really matter because she wanted to go home anyway?

But on the other hand if we don't challenge such ignorant attitudes towards domestic violence then nothing is ever going to change. I feel like I want to do something to make the holiday park realise how wrong their attitude is.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. Trying to keep it as short as possible.

[lissieloo]

No problem, and thank you for posting in support

[betterthanever]

Thanks for the link Lissie.

[lissieloo]

A thread about a possible MN campaign to tackle myths etc around DV

[chamonixlover]

oh another one which made me laugh, despite 3 statements of admission of guilt and pending conviction with independent witness statement

"I only have your word for it that you weren't responsible" - from friend of perpetrator.

Maybe we should start a thread containing all the stupid victim bashing quotes.

[lissieloo]

God forbid the poor men should take responsibility! I mean, come on, it's clearly the woman's fault for not behaving exactly as required.

[chamonixlover]

Same here Silverfoxballs. Now I have told the truth... here are a few comments

"X had his reasons for beating you up" - from father-in-law

"is this not just a communication problem?" - from someone who had heard through the grapevine about passer-by intervening on public beating when I was stuck scrunched up protecting one of the children from a similar fate. Yeh my child and me, we did it to ourselves didn't we, it was just lack of communication which caused it!!!

I despair.

[OddSockMonster]

Thanks for updating Clementine.

Good to know she has family round her, hope she find some peace away from him for good some day soon.

[K8Middleton]

the woman and her issues

She did not punch herself in the face. It is the perpetrator who has issues.

On a not unrelated note, I do wish the hard of thinking wouldn't post. Invariably it is the thick as mince posts that get picked up by the media and then we all look like ignorant bigots :(

[lissieloo]

[flippinada]

How is that the point?

[gamerchick]

Bit if an update. I'd left my mobile number with the woman and she actually phoned me this afternoon to say Thankyou and she told me a bit about the circumstances leading upto the attack.

In a nut shell: this man had been to prison for a previous assault on her. He was released a few months ago. In her home town she has a lot of family support including two brothers.

She'd gone away on her own with her dc to get away from everything for a few weeks.

He'd managed, through Facebook they think, to find out where she was going on. He turned up at the site, the first time she saw him was when she was at the play area with the kids. She thinks he must have been hanging about there knowing with 4 dc she'd definately be there at some point in the day.

He'd followed her back to the caravan and hung around trying to win her round. Things slowly turned into an argument and the rest is history.

So he wasn't on the booking! He wasn't even a guest on the park. The manager never told me that bit!!

You still didn't answer my question about offering to share your van and pay for the damages so they could continue their holiday? Which has been your point all along hasn't it?

Well that sorry have to add the if it's true thing in here changes things slightly doesn't it?! See the difference in that post compared to your first. However my mindset hasn't changed when it comes to the managers decision. I haven't been commenting on the woman and her issues all along.

And give over with the victim blaming bollocks.. there was one, maybe two posts near the beginning of the thread.. people can have a different opinion without namecalling and running to mummy to tell.

OP.. it's very admirable that you want to help, you are very nice. It's nice that she has a willing listening ear and a friend to listen to her. I do hope she manages to get rid of the idiot soon.

[gamerchick]

• minkembernard Sun 21-Jul-13 21:39:20
  
  *
  
  Whats with the no quote function.. are we in the frigging dark ages?
  
  Well I'd left the thread.. once you start to feel like you're babysitting and not getting paid for it, you're on a hiding to nothing.

[minkembernard]

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I am disgusted but not surprised by some of the posts on this thread.

Even without the update, people should be supportive of that woman without making judgements.

Clementine - you showed the way a decent person would act in this situation. Thank god it was you nearby, and not some of these other posters.

There is obviously a serious need for many posters to educate themselves more about DV.

[Msbluebozooka]

Soz had to get that off my chest after reading what Quint posted earlier was reading thread way down the line and am really angry

[Msbluebozooka]

Quint are you for real!!!! It takes 2 mins to fix a door and a fucking life time to fix a victim if ever . She needn't time on her own with the kids and maybe asked to leave a day before her holiday ended. God help us if life is full of unhelpful Quints!!!

Yeah life's a bitch but sometimes people like Clem step in to give you a helping hand good on you Clem

[flippinada]

I'd also like to know where it is - it deserves to be named and shamed, also I can understand why you may not want to Clementine. Thank you for your update. I really feel for that woman

As for anyone apologising for their obnoxious victim blaming posts - I doubt it. But you never know. Maybe this will make people think twice before leaping to judgement.

[K8Middleton]

I want to know where this park is so I never go there. What they have done is sickening.

[arsenaltilidie]

very quickly the security guards from the site turned up. The woman was sobbing , said she was ok and the security guards quickly left

There is no doubt he comes across this sort of thing every year, from his perspective he sent security but she said she was okay. Meaning she was okay with his presence as a result she stopped the security from removing the man.

If I was the manager I would have dealt with it a little differently but I sort of understand where he is coming from.

[Damnautocorrect]

So basically an intruder attacked her in the caravan park and that was the way the owner behaved. What an absolute disgrace of a man

[edam]

FWIW, I was once at a camp site where a woman was attacked. Unlike this sorry story, there were many decent people around. When we heard screaming in the middle of the night, everyone came out of their tents to try to help. Man had dragged woman off, so all the men ran across the field chasing them. Managed to get to her and the guy who had hold of her ran off. People comforted her and patched her up.

She didn't want the police called and I'm afraid no-one insisted. These days I'd be more assertive about it, back then I knew less about DV and didn't want to push it.

But the point is, everyone on that camp site had the normal, human, decent response of trying to help and protect the victim.

[edam]

Oh good grief! That makes it even worse - she's been tracked down, stalked and attacked by a criminal, and yet the park manager was trying to throw her out when she'd done nothing wrong... and dozens of posters on this thread have been so busy making assumptions that fit their victim-blaming world view when the poor woman HAD left him.

Hope some of them come back to this thread and realise how wrong they were.

Thank heavens for a decent person like you, Clementine. Shame there seem to have been so few around.