Victim of domestic violence asked to leave holiday park!

[ClementineKelandra]

Ill try and keep this as concise as possible.

I'm on holiday in Wales staying in a caravan. Last night about 11pm an argument started between a couple in the caravan nearby. I say argument but it was mostly a man shouting.

It quickly escalated and the women was screaming, she sounded terrified, and there were children screaming "mummy" too.

At this point I phone the police. Very quickly the security guards from the site turned up. The woman was sobbing , said she was ok and the security guards quickly left.

As soon as they'd gone the man left the caravan. Moments later the police turned up. They spent some time searching the site but eventually the man was found and arrested.

This morning the women was sat outside the caravan and I went over to check she was ok. She has a broken nose! :( the caravan was a bit messed up too. Several internal doors were off their hinges.

We talked for a while and she told me she'd been asked to leave the holiday park!! I Wa stunned at this but she said she was going to leave anyway as her and the dc didn't want to be there after everything that had happened the night before.

I couldn't stop thinking about her being told to leave and later that day I went to speak to the general manager of the site.

He confirmed that yes she had been asked to leaved because they had a zero tolerance policy on violent behaviour.

I pointed out to him that it was the man who had been violent, he'd assaulted the women, she is basically being punished for being the victim of a crime and by asking her to leave they were implying that she was in some way to blame for the mans behaviour.

We talked about it for quite a while and I tried several different ways to get my point across. To be fair he did really listen to me and tried to understand but basically he didn't get it.

He also trotted out the usually ill informed stereo types "women like that never want to press charges" etc.

I'm so angry. In one way does it really matter because she wanted to go home anyway?

But on the other hand if we don't challenge such ignorant attitudes towards domestic violence then nothing is ever going to change. I feel like I want to do something to make the holiday park realise how wrong their attitude is.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. Trying to keep it as short as possible.

[ClementineKelandra]

I'm another holiday maker and I wasn't distressed by her presence. I'm distressed about the way she is been treated by the park though.

Have to go and get dd showered. Be back later.

[flippinada]

I think you have helped and I bet she won't forget you.

[handcream]

Did she press charges? If she didnt then it could possibly happen again. Yes, I agree she needs to be supported in getting this man out of her life but having had a relative in a similar position. They fib and cover up, sadly I agree, if she didnt press charges then it could kick off again and perhaps get others involved.

[mynewpassion]

Maybe the manager should press charges

[Pimpf]

Fwiw I think you did the right thing, I don't know what else you could have done to change the managers mind but at least the woman knew she had someone on her side

[Darkesteyes]

Shocked but sadly not surprised at the victim blaming on this thread.

[Disastronaut]

Just want to echo what many other commenters have said, OP. I'm so glad you took the time to speak to the woman involved and to the manager. His attitude stinks, but it's too common - as we've seen from a few posts here:

Quintessential: 'it doesn't give them a right to ruin other people's holidays'.
Yes, that's the important thing here, isn't it? We can't have nasty disruptive people like that spoiling the hard earned fun of decent law-abiding families, can we now?

And as for 'by staying with him, she's accepting it', you're sadly uninformed about the financial, emotional and practical constraints that women suffering domestic violence face.

[MorrisZapp]

What a horrible thing to have happened. I don't really see why the holiday park should get involved with who did what though - they have a party who have caused a disturbance and smashed doors etc. It isn't their job or place to decide who trashed their caravan, I don't think they're being unreasonable asking them to leave.

The woman was planning to leave anyway, wasn't she?

[Hissy]

Could you write to the HO and ask them to review their policies, and not classify DV as something that has equal blame on both sides?

The management needs to be able to exercise some discretion, and staff needs to be trained to help somehow.

Holidays ARE flashpoints for DV, due to often cramped accommodation, and isolation/living in close provimity.

[internationallove985]

That poor women and her poor dear little children... I hope she finds the strength to leave this disgusting peice of work. Isn't he brave hitting a women I assume the mother of his children as well. I wonder how tough he'd be when faced with a man!
I don't think that poor women and her children should have been asked to leave because she got a beating. It was support she needed. x

[ParsingFancy]

I get throwing the perpetrator off the park.

I don't get that the victim is the perpetrator.

[tittytittyhanghang]

Im on the fence with this one too, having lived with a violent step father and then for 7 years next to fuckin awful neighbours, and i mean both of them, not just the man.

[something2say]

Women typically experience 23 incidents before they come forward in any way, and they usually then come forward for some reason. Maybe he made a threat to kill her and she thinks he is serious. Maybe he crossed a line in some way. But before that they stay, for a multitude of reasons. Maybe she believes him when he says he will put petrol thro her mothers door. Maybe she doesn't work and believes him when he says she'll never make it alone. Maye she drinks too much to drown him out and he says he will report her to social services. Maybe she loves him and they talk about it and he says he will change and she believes him, or she wants someone to explain to him why he is wrong and then he will change.

It is really important to be sensitive to women coming forward.

There are no laws regarding adults who want to stay in abusive situations and they are fee to go through their mental proces of trying to understand the behaviour and rationalising it etc.

There ARE laws regarding children who are forced to be in these situations because no one is taking action.

I am sad to hear of this man and his attitude.

I am also sad to hear of some people who don't understand why women stay. It is really important that we don't blame women. I know it angers us sometimes. It angers me sometimes but I try to understand what it is like.

I also remember being a victim of child abuse and there as no way in HELL I would rat on my mother. Would people take me away that day or would I have to go home with her knowing she knows I told? There was no way I could betray her. I would be in for it.

When I was abused I was completely lone. No one helped or could help, I felt. I faced her angry twisted face inches from mine and heard her burnt as she out everything she had into each belt on my body, it was fast and furious and she shouted and screamed and hared up and down. The best thing to do is report what you see, make statements, report to social services and try to challenge each issue with victim blames as they come up.

I do believe that wider society needs to help victims and that means not ignoring, not blaming, but taking what is right and good action, becaus the victim often can't.

Well done the woman who started this and the other one at the same campsite. It may be worth ringing the police department where you are and seeing if an automatic social services report was put in because it should have been. That will mean the kids are picked up and from there, the whole family. Nurses should also report these sorts of injuries.

[MorrisZapp]

Do caravan parks, hotels etc usually have DV policies, and training etc with handling DV? I've never heard of this.

[TurnipCake]

It took a great deal of courage to do what you did Clementine. I'm sure your kindness won't be forgotten.

[Chattymummyhere]

It's site rules... My site won't even let same gender bookings due to possible hen/stag...


Very sad for her though after everything but rules are rules and they are there to protect everyone

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

Maybe they have a blanket policy because they can not be sure who in a party caused the damage, I'm sure in this case the woman was the victim but I'm also sure they've had guests where it has been both parties causing the damage or they cannot tell who is to blame

Well done for speaking up though op

[flippinada]

Bloody hell something that's terrible. I'm sorry you went through that :(.

You are right, people need to stand up for the victims of DV because often they can't do it themselves.

I'm sure this sounds soppy or whatever but I feel so sad, imagining the kids looking forward to the holiday and all of them walking on eggshells wondering whether their Dad would kick off and ruin it.

[tittytittyhanghang]

Flippinada, as a child of dv, there were no holidays to look forward to because it was same shit different settings. As for laws being place to protect children in these situations, my neighbours children, the eldest one had to endure 6 years of hell before she was removed, luckily the youngest only a few months.

[SconeRhymesWithGone]

It took a great deal of courage to do what you did Clementine. I'm sure your kindness won't be forgotten.

And sometimes one act of kindness like this is a turning point for a victim of domestic violence.

[NameoftheRose]

Well done Clementine, I'm so glad you spoke to this woman and showed her concern and compassion.

The victim blaming on this thread is shocking. Feels like another time-slip thread. Oh look, we're in the 50s.

[kelda]

Well done ClementineKelandra.

[flippinada]

Yes, sadly, I can imagine that being the case tittytittyhanghang.