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Original poster

am i over sensitive??

17 replies

SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 14:59

Hello.
Quick background: My DP had an emotional affair very recently which I am still getting over. It was mostly conducted over email.
My friend knows all this, as I confided in her, and she was very supportive. However, she is always quick to turn the conversation back to herself and her situation. She's busy emailing a guy who lives with his girlfriend, literally throwing herself at him. And he is responding. Its still raw for me as she and I both know I get jumpy about women emailing attached men at the moment.
But she seems to think that because I confided, she now can in return and I get a barrage of messages from her saying oh I've emailed him, what can I email back, oh i want to text him, he can't like his girlfriend very much etc. She wants my help and support and although she knows how hurt I am, does she not get that I don't want to assist in her shady affair??? I've tried to say, I think you should leave it alone but she won't listen. Is she being insensitive or am I being a bit oversensitive right now?
x

OP posts:
Jan45 · 17/07/2013 15:08

She's insensitive and stupid to not even realise how this is going to effect you. She's lovely isn't she, trying her best to pull a guy who's already with someone, if it was my friend, I would be telling her I don't want to know about it.

MadameBlavatsky · 17/07/2013 15:17

What a cow! She's no friend, OP!

Original poster
SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 15:23

I just want to punch her in the face, to be honest. She is asking ME for help with what to say to him. I've told her, he's not interested. He is probably only replying to be polite as they work together and he probably wants to keep her sweet as she can be a bit unstable!
It just stings cos my DP told his OW to stop emailing him, and it makes me think well what if she was doing what my 'friend' is and just not leaving him alone? :(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/07/2013 15:30

I wouldn't reply to her texts and I wouldn't consider her a friend.

Jan45 · 17/07/2013 15:32

How deluded is she and don't be daft OP, your OH went willingly into an EA with AW, men don't do anything they don't want to do.

Original poster
SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 15:33

She was so supportive and good when I told her all about my situation. She's not a friend, can't be.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 17/07/2013 15:35

....or she's just so wrapped up in the guy she can't see straight, perhaps just telling her how it makes you feel will sort it out?

Original poster
SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 15:37

Ah but you see I'm a bit of a coward, hence posting on here rather than saying something to her face!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/07/2013 15:37

Supreme, don't let your husband tell you rubbish. He could have blocked her or deleted without reading or been so horrible she wouldn't write back. The affair didn't keep on going because the OW insisted on it.

Original poster
SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 15:41

Sorry I didn't explain myself properly. My OH ended the affair, and then emailed the other woman to say please don't contact me again. As far as I know she hasn't, but the fact that my friend is still throwing herself at this guy puts it into my head that the OW could easily be doing the same to my OH. I know they are not the same person but I am a bit sensitive about that sort of thing at the moment!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/07/2013 15:44

Oh OK, I understand. It's really awful finding out about an affair. Your friend doesn't seem to have that experience herself - well, lucky for her, but you do and I can see why you are finding it a real struggle.

Could you send a very sharp text back, saying something like, "X actually has a girlfriend. Do you remember how devastated I've been by someone behaving just like you? I can't believe you would think I'd encourage you."?

Original poster
SupremePizza · 17/07/2013 15:48

Thats a great text to send. and I think it would shock her because I honestly don't think she feels she is hurting me. I'm just not sure I have the guts, tbh, and am more likely to ignore her texts for a while instead! God I sound like a wimp. I'm really not in normal life, just not good with people.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 17/07/2013 15:59

OP, send it now and grit your teeth and tell us what she says. We can prompt you through the conversation! It's much harder if you're doing it alone. And if you don't nip her totally inappropriate conversations in the bud, you will be hearing her banging on about it for years.

Jan45 · 17/07/2013 16:19

I wouldn't do it by text, next time you see her tell her gently that it makes you remember and feel awful, that should be enough.

ImperialBlether · 17/07/2013 16:29

The reason I'd do it by text is so that she could re-read her own text and read the OP's and see how inappropriate she is.

Original poster
SupremePizza · 18/07/2013 08:59

morning! Sent text about 5 last night, no reply...

OP posts:
Jan45 · 18/07/2013 10:29

Morning - take cover then lol.

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