Just found out I have a 1yr old grand-daughter

[ANNIESIMPLE]

My son decided when he turned 18 that he wanted to live life the way he wanted and moved out. He went to live with my sister and family. He only came to see us once in a while and didn't feel like he wanted to be part of our family. He was always out with mates and seemed too busy to make time for us (mam, dad and twin sisters). The last time we saw or heard from him was just after new year. He sent a txt at the beginning of may saying that he was homeless and had lost his job. He came home and we talked. Tried to sort things out but then I found a letter from a Dr saying that he had a compulsive lying disorder and he refused treatment. Since then there hasn't been a week go by that we have found out something else bad about him. He has serious debts and then the CSA rang about child support payments for his daughter. She will be 1yr old at the weekend and we know nothing about her. He wont talk about her and is telling so many lies I don't know what to believe. Should I try and contact her? Seems that everyone else knew all about her but us. He doesn't see her and I don't know why. Advice appreciated.

I would have to find out but I'd be flinching as I'd guess I'd hear more bad news about his behaviour.

I'd try to separate how he is now from how he was then, and hope to see his child in homage to the boy he was.

It must have been such a shock. I'm sorry you didn't have a happier relationship with him.

Yes I think try and make contact with your GC, what have you got to lose?

I thought I had a good relationship with him until he turned 18. Now I feel that I don't know who he is. He is lying all the time and stealing money. Tried to find him somewhere to live but haven't had any luck. He just refuses to talk about anything. I only have GC name and her mothers name. What should I say. Its so hard because I don't know what happened and I don't know what lies he has told her. I don't have a relationship with my sister anymore as everything I did was wrong. No other family to talk to.

I don't know if this is any help but I thought I could give you a different perspective?

Ds (12yo) has a grand parent out there somewhere. I know she has no idea he exists. I have thought long and hard about the situation as he is and will be her only grand child. I decided against contacting her myself as a feel it would overstep boundaries however I would be very welcoming if she should contact me. My son cannot have his father but I would love it if he could have his grandmother!

However with us there is no bad feeling or bad treatment, sadly I suspect your granddaughter s mother may feel wronged and may be a bit less open to contact. I am not saying don't try (I really think you should) just be prepared for some difficult conversations.

Sorry I can't offer any ideas on the rest of your situation. I hope it comes to a positive conclusion for you all.

I think you let this sleeping dog lie. If he's run out on the mother or she's kicked him out, and she's having to chase him down for CSA payments it sounds messy. Depending on how badly he's behaved, she may not even want him to know where she lives.

"I am not saying don't try (I really think you should) just be prepared for some difficult conversations."

This ^

I fully understand why you want to make contact but don't expect the child's mother to welcome you with open arms given that she has had to use the CSA to get money out of him.

I have a feeling that it could all turn rather nasty.

I dont think it is your place to start trying to forge a relationship with some child you are not entirely sure exists or is your son's. It doesnt sound like your son is in any fit state to look after himself let alone be accountable for a child he is unable to deal with. He may resent you interfering.

I have no clue what to suggest but if everyone else knew all about her but us, perhaps the child's mother will trace you, come forward and turn up on your doorstep. Then you can act as you think best.

I don't know if you and your DS will ever make things right between you but whatever the age gap between him and the twins, hope you are able to stay on good terms with your DDs.

Does your Sister kmow about the GC?

I'm so sorry. You do seem caring x

could he have a drink or drug problem or other addiction? the lying and stealing might be a symptom of that maybe worth contacting the mother to see what else comes to light in that respect.
personally if i was the mother of the baby i would be decent to you and try to come to an arrangement but that will be her call. can't see the harm in trying.
of all the times my ex has been a shit to me and a crap dad to my ds i have always been kind to his dm, she is my ds grandma and would never stop her from seeing him.

My sister knew all about grandchild but doesn't speak to me. I don't have any other information other than name of grandchild and her mother. My son wont get help for his mental health disorder and just doesn't talk to me anymore. Its very hard to know what to do.