Help my good friends dh made a pass at me

[40thisisit]

Last week I went round to see him during the day as he is being made redundant and wanted help with his cv. My dh & I are really good friends with the pair of them and our 2 girls are best mates with their 2 girls. A couple of times over the years we've gone out as a 4 and he's had a lot to drink and has been a little flirty with me, I've always ignored and put it down to drink.
But last week I went round in the middle of the day and he said he'd really like to take things further with me, well bloody hell I just didn't know what to do, I just really thought he was a good mate and that was it. I obviously said no and he just thought it was cos I was scared of being 'rumbled' as he put it. I left pretty quickly and have felt sick ever since. I told my dh and he went ballistic and it's all I could do to beg him not to go round there. I really don't want my friend to find out as I know she'll be devastated. My dh now says he doesn't ever want our girls seeing theirs again and he wants me to tell my friend.
My heads in absolute pieces and I just want this all to go away. My dh is now being really clingy and suspicious about everything I do and I feel I am the innocent victim in this but am being tortured.
Just really wondered if you had any thoughts, is my dh being ott by not letting our girls see one another???

If you or your husband tells her, you will be blamed.

This happened to me once and I'm single so when I told her friend, and it got back to her, he defended himself, said it was me, he rejected me, I was drunk, he wouldn't if you paid him as I'm such a sluttydoghazbeen...

Her friend had heard it from me though, so she must have had some doubts. She 'interviewed' me with yes/no questions which were carefully constructed to give her only the information she could cope with. She put up her hand to prevent me elaborating. Also, even the questions she asked seemed to portray me in a bad light. As though he'd said "ask her..."

He seemed to hate me, he told me I was fuckable. That was after I'd rejected him. How to put me back in my place. I shudder when I think of him. And yet, he was so affronted and aggressive that I had the nerve to turn him down.

We aren't friends any more but a few months later she did dump him, I'm glad, I sacrificed that friendship but she didn't go ahead with the wedding thank god. Yes I lost a friend but I know she is happy now.

In all honesty, I would want to avoid getting everything out in the open, it would lead to the break up of the friendship, and hurt a lot of people. I would just cool off the friendship, and certainly avoid spending time with him on any basis.

Your husband is sounding very threatened and unreasonable.

I think it's a good thing she told her husband by the sounds of it. If OP's husband had heard from this man that the OP had made a pass at him, could she be sure he'd believe her and not his friend OP's own husband sounds like he's adding to her stress. Hope he's not like this all the time.

I had a similar situation a few years back. My friend's DH starting questioning my relationship with my partner in the lead up to our wedding, saying that he didn't like him and that I shouldn't marry him. Basically made a pass at me. Had a massive row with friend's DH and distanced myself from him. He continued to pester me about not marrying my partner so I told my friend. Didn't tell her that he made a pass as couldn't do that to her but told her that he was sticking his nose in where it wasn't wanted and harrassing me. She was bloody furious with him.

I have to say that the friendship is strained somewhat. I am civil to friend's DH but me and my friend don't hang out as much as we used to. And my DH has nothing to do with either of them!

So, OP I guess what I am saying is that whether you tell your friend or not her DH has totally wrecked the closeness you all had and even if you don't tell her and she is oblivious 3 of you will be aware what has happened and it will not be easy to forget.

Leaving aside the sex offender bit, for the moment, which I agree is complete bollocks, I would still tell my DP/DH. Mainly because, as I said, I wouldn't put it past the sleazeball to tell his wife that I had come onto him and threatened to tell her that he had made a pass at me when he had turned me down. Also there's no way I would want to spend any time with him after that. I'd have to tell DP/DH something and lying doesn't sit comfortably with me, especially as I wouldn't have done anything wrong and staying quiet would suggest I felt ashamed/felt I had done something wrong.

OP you need to nip your DH's behaviour in the bud. Other poster's are right about it being out of order to accuse the sleazebag of being a child predator, no matter how much you DH's pride has been hurt. Also about him implicitly blaming you by his behaviour towards you.

I would tell his wife and fuck the consequences quite frankly.

I think the moment he made a pass at you was the moment the friendship was doomed as it were.

Your husband isn't being that helpful either tbh but again I think you were right to tell him.

Yes - he might turn it all on you, but he might do that anyway as a pre emotive strike as it were.

I'd tell the wife, keep it brief and factual. Probably say the fact he is under stress may be a factor
(really just as an olive branch) but obviously it's made you and DH (she needs to know you have told your DH) uncomfortable so you would rather cool the couples relationship and hope though that you can all be civil so as not to impact the kids.

He's been a cock but that doesn't mean he is a danger to your kids....

Even though your DH is struggling a bit with this news, I think you did right to tell him. He probably feels betrayed also by this man that he obviously thought was his friend.
The friendship with this couple is nixed now whatever you do. If this woman were a good friend of mine I think I would tell her but realise that would probably end the friendship. You can't hang out with them anymore and feel relaxed.
Whilst making a pass at you does not mean he would behave inappropriately around your daughter, I don't think I'd want to encourage my own daughter to be staying over in this house either. The other Dad sounds like a right creep - thinking you only turned him down because you're afraid of being caught is so egotistical!

If you don't want to confront this, the least you can do is cool the friendship and maybe allow the girls friendship to continue, but on more neutral ground and at your house - I'd make sure your DP is the one who has any contact with the other Dad too.

Thanks Beamur, good advice, think I may have been bit misleading about him making a pass at my dd, I do not believe he's a sex offender, too harsh but she is a very developed nearly 14 year old who looks a lot older than she really is.
Also thank you BurtNo, this is really screwing me up and I don't need harsh comment when I already feel so bloody crap.

OP - remember you did nothing wrong here.

The fact you feel bad is because YOU are a good person - but don't let this overwhelm you.

Afraid I'm with Zynda, OP. This happened to me when I was younger. My friend blamed me and fell out with me over it. Her DH denied it - said "You must be joking, I wouldn't touch her with a bargepole," etc and called me a fantasist. I would not tell for this reason.